Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 3





06c: John C. Reilly / My Chemical Romance

McMillan Family Moment II

Mr. McMillan.....John C. Reilly
Jarvis.....Kenan Thompson

[Heartwarming Steel Magnolias-style music takes us from a split-level house exterior inside to the kitchen. A middle-aged man and teenaged boy are sitting at a table, both wearing Big Brothers Chicago t-shirts. Each have a glass of milk with a plate of Oreos between them.]

Mr. McMillan: So, listen. I just thought as your new Big Brother, I'd show you the McMillan family tradition of how to eat an Oreo cookie.

Jarvis: [apprehensive] Okay --

Mr. McMillan: So first thing out of the gate, Jarvis. You hold the edges of the cookie with both hands. And then you give it a nice gentle twist. [demonstrates] And then-- [Jarvis shoves a cookie in his mouth and drinks his milk] No, no, don't drink the milk yet!

Jarvis: Hey, you got an Xbox up in here? [music stops]

Mr. McMillan: [throws the cookie on the table] Yeah, yeah, we got an Xbox. [goes off-camera] Uh-huh. [comes back with the console] Here. There you go. [throws it on the table] Yeah, have fun, Champ!

Jarvis: Whoa!

Mr. McMillan: Yeah, knock yourself out! [throws his glass of milk on the table] Play till your fingers fall off! Call me when you want a ride home, I'll be in the other room paying my taxes to support jackass programs so brats like you can play Xbox! How's that grab you, Full of Cream?! [Jarvis is taken aback] Have fun telling them down at Big Brother what an ass I am! [storms out, slams door]

[music starts again over a title card which reads:]

Female Narrator: Another McMillan Family Moment.

[laughter and applause]


Submitted by: Joy


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