06c: John C. Reilly / My Chemical Romance
Jennifer....John C. Reilly
Girl 1....Maya Rudolph
Girl 2....Amy Poehler
[Opens with a Mexican cantina style restaurant. Three
girlfriends are enjoying their meals. Chips and salsa,
Girl 1: Oh my God!, you guys, how much fun was that
party last night?
Girl 2: Oh my God! It was so fun. Oh, my God! Can I
just say you guys, how hung over you guys were!
Girl 1: Oh, I am so hung over.
Girl 2: I know.
Shelley: Oh my God. How crazy is it that I woke up this
morning in just my turtleneck.
[Girls laugh. At the end of the table is emotional
Jennifer: Oh my God! That is so funny, Shelly. How
crazy are you?!
Shelley: I know.
[Girl 1 eats chip]
Girl 1: Oh my God, you guys. I could seriously live
on chips and salsa.
Jennifer: I know, right? I do live on chips and
[Jennifer laughs then ugly cries holding up a chip]
Girl 1: Oh my God, Jennifer, what is it?
Jennifer: Nothing you guys. I'm good. You guys, listen
to this. This is funny. Last night I drank 27 buttery
nipples.[Laughs and cries bitterly] And I totally
Girls: Jennifer! Oh, no!
Jennifer: I'm okay.[cries]and then I had a glass of
Port and then I found a bottle of Pinot Griggio in my
trunk and I drank that and that's kind of funny,
right? [giggles and then cries]And then I called
Girl 1: Jennifer, why on earth would you do that?
Jennifer: Because you guys! Robert is my boo!
Waiter: Who ordered the beef burrito?
Waiter: All right. There you are.[sets plate down] And
who ordered the beef tacos?
Jennifer: That's me too. Bean burrito and bean taco.
Oh my God, you guys, I don't know what I'm gonna
do.[bites into the bean taco]This is so good![laughs
and then ugly cries with a mouth full of taco]You
guys, I'm just gonna go. I always ruin brunch!
Girls: No, no! Don't go.
Jennifer: You guys are the best friends ever.
Listen,[bites into burrito]he's a turd. And he leads
me to believe that we really got it going on and then
I realize I'm just one of his many stops along booty
highway! This taquitos are sheer heaven.[eats some
more and more sobbing cries]I just need to hop in my
PT Cruiser, put the pedal to the metal and drive fast
as I can to screw-somebody-else-ville![eats more taco,
cries]Where is that freakin'...[looks over her
Girl 2: Jennifer, are you okay?
Jennifer: That looks good. What did you get?
Girl 2: I got 2 chicken enchiladas.
Jennifer: Can I have you're chicken enchiladas,
please?[sad]I will totally buy you more!!
[Girl 2 gives Jennifer her plate]
Jennifer: Oh, Robert!, guacamole,[eats taco dipped in
guacamole]salsa, Robert?! Taquitos![cries ans eats,
[Suspense music, shot of girls disturbed,
Jennifer: Flautas, Robert![eats and ugly cries] Pinot
Grigio, Robert![eats and ugly cries]Beans! Oh my God!,
guys. [mouth full of food]I'm sorry, I'm a mess!
Listen, I'll be right back. Can somebody be a a hero
and order me a margarita and 2 more beef tacos?[Gets
up and leaves]
Girl 1: Guys, can I just say, why is Jennifer such a
Girl 2: Oh my God, you guys known her for like 6
months, you guys and its always the same thing.
Shelley: You guys, I'm beginning to think Robert
doesn't even exist.
Girl 1: This is really mean but....should we just
Girl 2: Yeah.
[The 3 girls get up and leave. Jennifer comes back and
sits back down]
Jennifer: Oh, they're all probably outside having a
smoke. [eats chip and cries]
[Romantic music plays, man dressed like a member of
the 60's group The Monkees appears. Moe's haircut,
60's attire, glasses]
Jennifer: Robert, you get my messages?
Robert: Of course I did.
Jennifer: You're not cross with me, are you?[bites
Robert: Oh, silly child.[sits next to Jennifer]I live
for your messages.
Jennifer: Robert, your the best. The best but I'm such
a mess.[hugs Robert]
Robert: Sshhhh, shhhh[kisses Jennifer passionately,
tongue and all]
[The 3 girls look down at Jennifer's happy ending and
smile from the baranda of a little balcony on the
[Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel