Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 4


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 28th, 2006

Hugh Laurie

Beck

None

Lorne Michaels

Sacha Baron Cohen

Ken Davitian

Kazakhstan Ministry of Information
Summary: In the wake of NBC's budget cuts, Lorne Michaels announces that he's sold the first five minutes of "Saturday Night Live" to a foreign government, then cuts to a message from the Kazakhstan Ministry of Information delivered by Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen) with silent observation from Azamat (Ken Davitian).

Bio: Sacha Baron Cohen (1971-). Comedian; inspired by Peter Sellers; starred in HBO series "Da Ali G Show" as Ali G, Borat, and Brüno; expanded the middle into 2006 feature film, "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan."

Bio: Ken Davitian (1953-). Armenian-born actor; best-known as Borat's producer in "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" (2006); founded Sherman Oaks restaurant, The Dip, in 2003.

Transcript


Montage


Hugh Laurie's Monologue
Summary: Hugh Laurie introduces himself to the audience by outlining his acting history.

Bio: Hugh Laurie (1959-). Actor; starred in British comedy hits "Blackadder", "Jeeves and Wooster", "A Bit of Fry and Laurie", and "Saturday Live"; star of "House, M.D." on American television.

Note: A pre-recorded applause track noticably fades once Hugh Laurie begins his monologue.

Transcript


Most Haunted
Summary: Derek Acorah (Hugh Laurie) accidentally cuts a fart while investigating a haunted house, which his dimwitted paranormal team (Fred Armisen, Amy Poehler, Bill Hader) mistake as a message from a ghost.

Note: The FOX logo from the upcoming "World Series 2006" sketch appears in the upper-right corner as the current sktch fades out.

Transcript


TV Funhouse
Summary: In a cartoon by Robert Smigel, President George W. Bush displays a pair of political attack ads the Republicans will use against the Democrats during this year's midterm elections.


2006 World Series
Summary: At the World Series, contest winner Pamela Bell (Maya Rudolph) delivers her milked version of "The Star Spangled Banner."

Note: As the sketch fades into the commercial, Don Pardo mistakenly announces that the next live show will air on "Monday, November 11th."

Transcript


Advance Man
Summary: While preparing for Queen Elizabeth's viit to New York, her advance man (Hugh Laurie) goes over her accomodation needs with the concierge (Kristen Wiig) at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel.

Note: Hugh Laurie has difficulty getting his reading glasses on with one hand, and thus bypasses the need for them.

Transcript


Hardball
Summary: Chris Matthews (Darrell Hammond) administers a round-table discussion on the upcoming midterm elections with Ken Mehlman (Andy Samberg) and Howard Dean (Jason Sudeikis).

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, Howard Dean.


Hugh's Protest Song
Summary: Hugh Laurie sings a Dylanesque protest song, in which he mumbles through the solution to the war.

Note: Hugh Laurie originally performed this bit on the first episode of the fourth season of "A Bit of Fry and Laurie" in 1995.

Transcript


Beck performs "Nausea"
First Performed: 96j.

Lyrics


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) announces that he's running for Senator of America. A same-sex couple from New Jersey (Fred Armisen, Bill Hader) comment on their state's recent gay marriage ruling.

Recurring Characters: Tim Calhoun, Vinnie, Gay Guy from New Jersey.

Transcript


American Medical Association
Summary: Mr. Dallas Rivers (Kenan Thompson) gives a doctor (Will Forte) a hard time during his visit to the emergency room to treat his broken leg.

Transcript


The Curse of Frankenstein
Summary: On a presentation of the Late Night Movie, an angry mob crowd searches in vain for Frankenstein's Monster (Bill Hader), who tries to fool them into thinking Dracula (Jason Sudeikis) is the real monster they're after.

Transcript


Beck performs "Clap Hands"
Lyrics


Linder & Bowles
Summary: Linder (Fred Armisen) and Bowles (Hugh Laurie) "oooohhhh" and "oooohhhh" over the credentials on interviewee Rebecca's (Amy Poehler) resume.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Casual Bitch
Summary: The inappropriate clothing line for the working woman.


Variety Vault
Summary: A lost television recording features spookish Vincent Price (Bill Hader) hosting a Halloween special.

Recurring Characters: Vincent Price.


E-Z Date.com
Summary: Entrepreneuer Cal Brandeis (Jason Sudeikis) acts as virtual pimp for a new dating service that will discreetly deliver a "date" to your door within minutes of registering online.


"Lost" Extras
Summary: A group of extras (Hugh Laurie, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig) are ignored during a taping of "Lost."


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Desperate to get noticed by celebrity magazines, Andy Samberg and Fred Armisen wander around New York.


Speed Reader


The Bar
Summary: A drunkard (Andy Samberg) asks other patrons if they want to go somewhere with him.



SNL Transcripts