Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 5

06e: Alec Baldwin / Christina Aguilera

Brazilian Bar

Rick Corman....Alec Baldwin
Bossa Nova Male Singer....Fred Armisen
Bossa Nova Female Singer....Maya Rudolph
Girl at the bar....Kristen Wiig
Guy with date at table....Andy Samberg
Blondie at table....Amy Poehler

[Opens with an exotic bar, two bossa nova singers entertain the crowd. Female singer shakes some sort of tambourine, male singer plays that guitar. Suave, middle age Rick Corwin struts to the bar. He has gray head of hair and gray moustache. Dashing impeccable white suit]

Rick Corman: Ah, music. The language of "amore". That moves me. Hi, I'm Rick Corvin. First time in Brazil? He, he, he.[the girl is uncomfortable]I came here 20 years ago and never left. I don't know how to put this but your body is....what's the word? "Slammin'" Oh, turns out I did know what word. Do you model? Well, you should. Cause in my mind you're modeling for me right now. Click! I just took a picture in my mind and guess what? You're topless. And bottomless.[Girl has enough. Gets ready to throw her drink in his face, he holds up his palms]It's a white suit!

[puts the drink down, slaps him in the face]

[Bossa nova singers keep playing "da da da de de"]

Rick Corman: [joins couple at their table]Hi, I'm Rick Corvin. Rio via Des Moines I.A. God, I love this song. Do you know what they're singing about? Neither do I.[loud whistle is heard, Alec looks and continues, Maya and Fred stifle laughs] I like to imagine is about jiggling boobies.[the girl leaves the table]Is that your lady? Nice going, my friend. I'm not saying I want to get it on with your girlfriend but someone who looks exactly like your girlfriend. And I mean exactly. Are you bi?

[guy throws the drink in Rick face and suit]

[Bossa Nova singers continue"da da da de de". Rick joins blondie at her table]

Rick Corman: You know, when I hear this music it's impossible not to think of 2 souls connecting. Hi, I'm Rick Corvin. I'm from room 112. You know what part of a woman I like best? And I'm not kidding about this. The vagina. No, no...[The blondie throws a bowl of chips and salsa all over Rick's white suit. Rick joins the Bossa Nova singers on stage with his now stained suit and shakes a maraca next to the female singer]

Female Singer: How did the crowd work go, Rick?

Rick Corman: A lot of beautiful people out there tonight.


[cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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