Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 6





06f: Ludacris

Ludacris' Monologue

.....Ludacris
Ricdiculous.....Kenan Thompson

Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen - Chris "Lou-day-chris" Bridges.

[ the audience cheers ]

Ludacris: Thank you very much. Well, well, well - it's about damn time! This is my first time hosting "SNL", and I must say it is an honor. A'ight? Now, some of you may know me as Chris Bridges from the movie "Crash." A'ight? [ audience applauds ] Though, most of you know me as Ludacris, whose album, Release Therapy, just happened to go platinum just last week. [ audience cheers ]

See now, of course, I learned the hard way that when someone asks your name, you know, you don't always say Ludacris.

For example - I'll give you an example: if I meet a girl at a club, my name is Ludacris; but when I meet her parents, it's Chris Bridges. A'ight?

When I'm in a studio, it's always Ludacris; but when I'm applying for a bank loan, I tend to stick with Chris Bridges.

If I'm stopped by the cops, I'm Chris Bridges; If I'm stopped by a black cop, I'm Ludacris. [ audience laughs and cheers ]

Now, you know, I chose the name Ludacris because, you know, that's how I flow. That's my style. It's original, and it's one-hundred per cent Ludacris. Believe me when I tell you --

Voice: Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!

[ a fellow rapper, dressed as his own persona, joins Ludacris on stage ]

Ricdiculous: Say - original? I beg to differ!

Ludacris: Everybody, this is Rick Barnes. We grew up together in Atlanta, Georgia. [ kisses his fingertips and holds it in front of Ludacris' face ] What's my name, yo?

Ludacris: Rick Barnes.

Ricdiculous: Ah - no! What's my name?

Ludacris: Rick Barnes.

Ricdiculous: Ah - uh-uh! It's -- ? [ holds his hand up to his ear ]

Ludacris: [ surrenders ] Ricdiculous.

Ricdiculous: Shyeah! Ricdiculous! Yeah, you know you straight up stole my style, son! Yo! Can I get a beat?!

Ludacris: No, you cannot! Now, can you get off the stage, please?

Ricdiculous: Oh, that's cool, that's cool - I'll make one myself! [ makes beat sound effects, begins rapping ]
"I'm Ricdiculous, and I'm here to say:
I'm the best rapper in the USA!"

Ludacris: Hold on, hold - wait, wait, wat. Why are you dressed like that, man?

Ricdiculous: Well, obviously, I have an interview. A job interview. It's at a combination Taco Bell-Pizza Hut, so, techincally, it was two interviews!

Ludacris: Look, look - I know we grew up together, but this is ridiculous --

Ricdiculous: That's right! Ricdiculous in da house! Yeaaaaahhhhh!! Oh! [ holds up his hand ] Can I get a hand? No? I can't get it? None of that? That's cool. [ lowers his hand ]

Ludacris: This is not the best time, okay? You see, I'm trying to do my --

Ricdiculous: Oh! Oh! Oh! My fault! My fault! I forgot - you BIG tme now! You can't talk to an old friend.

Ludacris: Fine - what do you want to talk about, man? Huh? What do you want to --

[ cell phone rings ]

Ricdiculous: Oh, snap! Hold that thought, brother - I am going off! Whoo! [ pulls out oversized cell phone and stretches the antenna out as far as it can go ] Uh-huh? Yeah. Yeah, that's fantastic! Okay, you won't regret this! [ hangs up his cell phone ] Man! Looks like somebody don't need a job after-rall, brother! That was NWA!

Ludacris: What? The NWA hasn't been together since '91.

Ricdiculous: Well, I meant NWA as in North West airlines. Yeah, they hired me as a baggage handler. Newark, Terminal C, y'all!

Ludacris: Alright, look, we got a great show tonight, Ludacris is here --

Ricdiculous: Ricdiculous!

Ludacris: Stick around, we'll be right back!


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