06g: Matthew Fox / Tenacious D
Nancy Grace....Amy Poehler
Dr. Albert Edwards....Kenan Thompson
Greg Tanner....Matthew Fox
Announcer: This is CNN.
Caption: CNN The most trusted name in news.
[Nancy sits at her desk, background of city buildings
at night. She has a black blazer, orange shirt,
mushroom hairdo, southern cadence in her tone of
voice, holds a pen]
Nancy Grace: O.J. Simpson, Michael Richards and my own
legal troubles. This and more tonight on "Nancy Grace".
[Show's introduction montage. Nancy snarls at the
camera, Nancy crosses her arms, defiant look on her face]
Caption: Nancy Grace
Nancy Grace: Good evening, I'm Nancy Grace and yes I
am wearing upper and lower lashes. Buckle up,
everybody. Because as weeks go this one is as full as
a deer tick.[Wiggles her pen]Stef! I'm talking with
Stef my producer. Has someone been messing with my
lucky show pen? It feels light. Like someone's been
using it. Yeah, it's light.[drops pen on desk,
disgusted look on her face]Tonight we begin with the
ongoing Michael Richards drama. Now for those of you
friends living in a cave, TVs Kramer went onstage at
the comedy club and then threw a bunch of "n" words
around. He had what mother Grace called an "old timey
crack-up". Joining now to comment is one the many
victims of this outburst. Professor of African
American Studies at Morehouse College[Screen splits
showing a distinguished black man in a suit and tie,
gray hair, glasses]Dr. Albert Edwards. How are you
holding up doctor?
[Caption at the bottom of the screen. Breaking News.
Headline Prime. Michael Richards Drama. Dr. Albert
Edwards African American Studies Morehouse College.
Dr. Albert Edwards: Fine, Nancy. But I should point
out that I don't consider myself a victim rather I'm
one of the number of African Americans who sees this
as an opportunity to open up dialogue on race in
Nancy Grace: Hmmm, that's exactly what I would expect
a victim to say.[smug look]
Dr. Albert Edwards: Nancy, you understand that I was
not at The Laugh Factory?
Nancy Grace: But you heard about it and I know you
keep playing it over and over in your mind. And I need
to remind you that you are a victim and you need to
stop feeling ashamed.
Dr. Albert Edwards: I'm not a victim and I'm not
Nancy Grace: Hmmm, that means you're healing. Doctor,
I think you should sue Michael Richards.
Dr. Albert Edwards: Well, I'm not going to.
Nancy Grace: I think every black person in America
should sue Michael Richards.
Dr. Albert Edwards: Well, that's just not possible.
Nancy Grace: Do you know who else should sue Michael Richards?
Dr. Albert Edwards: No.
Nancy Grace: Michael Richards.
Dr. Albert Edwards: Why would Michael Richards sue Michael Richards?
Nancy Grace: Because he ruined his career. And you
know what they would call that case?
Dr. Albert Edwards: What?
Nancy Grace: Kramer vs. Kramer.[smug smile, pleased
with her own joke]You get it?
Dr. Albert Edwards: Unfortunately, yes.
Nancy Grace: I like you Dr. Edwards. The only "n" word
I would call you is "nice".
[Dr.Edwards squints, thinks about it]
Dr. Albert Edwards: I don't think that sentence came
out the way you wanted it to.
Nancy Grace: I think it did. Moving on the Fox Network
chose not to air the O.J. Simpson interview where he
would've told us how he would have done the murder if
he had done the murder. But I do want to show you how
I would've reacted if I had watched it. [pretends to
flick channel with remote control]Click! What?[crosses
her arms]Ugh! Click! Of course those are hypothetical
reactions but I think we can agree it would be
something pretty close to that.[shakes her
pen]Seriously, Stef. This pen is as light as a
feather! Someone's been messing with it.[annoyed
look]Finally, tonight I would like to address some of
the legal issues that I have been dealing with.
Joining us is Traffic Violations Officer Greg Tanner.
How are you frie-e-end?
[Screen splits, moustached traffic officer is getting
miked up. Looks uneasy]
Greg Tanner: Hmmm, I'm good. Am I on TV?
[Caption at the bottom of the screen. Breaking News.
Nancy's Legal Issues. Greg Tanner Traffic Violations
Officer. Headline Prime. Nancy Grace]
Nancy Grace: Congratulations, you are. Officer, were
you just outside the studio giving me a parking
Greg Tanner: Yes.
Nancy Grace: And why is that?
Greg Tanner: Because you parked in a handicapped parking space.
Nancy Grace: And have I done that before?
Greg Tanner: Pretty much every week, Nancy.
Nancy Grace: Let me ask you this. What am I to do if I
pull up to the studio and someone has parked in the
Nancy Grace space? Should I just turn my car off and
leave it in the middle of the street?
Greg Tanner: No, but you can't park in a handicapped space.
Nancy Grace: Is it not having a parking space considered a handicap?
Greg Tanner: I would say no.
Nancy Grace: But having a parking space taken by someone else is a handicap?
Greg Tanner: I don't quite understand. I do think its
against the law to force me into your show though.
Nancy Grace: Officer, I'm going to ask you a question I would lo-o-o-ve an answer to. Have you ever watched Seinfeld?
Greg Tanner: Sure.
Nancy Grace: Hmmmm, then I don't think you're really
in any position to judge anyone. Seinfeld. Is all
making sense to me now. When we come back we're gonna
play my favorite game. "Where in the world is Joran
Van Der Sloot?" Stick around.
[Show's montage with Nancy snarling, crossing her
arms, defiant look plays again]
[Cheers and Applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel