Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 8

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


December 9th, 2006

Annette Bening

Gwen Stefani



Alec Baldwin

Matthew Fox

A Special Message From the President of the United States
Summary: President George W. Bush (Jason Sudeikis) addresses the nation about the release of the Iraqi War Report, and reads suggestions sent in by concerned Americans.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.



Annette Bening's Monologue
Summary: Annette Bening takes heat from female real estate agents in the audience who took offense with her portrayal of their profession in "American Beauty" seven years earlier. Bening's "Running With Scissors" co-star, Alec Baldwin, defends her and touts the highlights of his own film career.

Bio: Annette Bening (1958-). Actress; films include "American Beauty" (1999) and "Being Julia" (2004); twice lost the Best Actress Academy Award to Hilary Swank, in 2000 and 2005; married to actor Warren Beatty since 1992.


An SNL Movie Trailer Re-Cut
Summary: In a re-cut trailer for Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto", jungle natives flee the area when they discover that Jews are coming.


Good Morning I Hate This Town
Summary: Morning co-hosts Alan French (Jason Sudeikis) and Samantha (Annette Bening) maintain an upbeat attitude, even though they hate their town and all the dumbasses who live in it. Cooking expert Pam Dibble (Amy Poehler) offers a demonstration, but Alan and Samantha don't think their dimwitted audience can handle the entire recipe.


TV Funhouse
Summary: Rob Smigel presents "Diddy Kiddies", where hijinks abound as a group of kids try to help rapper P. Diddy figure out what he actually does for a living to maintain his mega-stardom.

Student-Teacher Affair
Summary: Chipper schoolteacher Diane (Annette Bening) is ecstatic in her relationship with Daniel (Andy Samberg), a disinterested student who would rather hang out with his friends.

Two A-Holes in a Live Nativity Scene
Summary: The Two A-Holes (Jason Sudeikis, Kristin Wiig) participate in a live Nativity scene, despite their limited knowledge or interest in the reason for the season.

Recurring Characters: Male A-Hole, Female A-Hole.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: The boss (Fred Armisen) of a fast food restaurant suffers anger management issues as he gives his employees a "Pep Talk."

Note: This Digital Short was cut from last week's episode hosted by Matthew Fox.


Buyer Beware
Summary: Mason Lemmings (Kenan Thompson) and his neighbor Trudy (Maya Rudolph) host a consumer affairs program in their garage, warning local Brooklyn residents about what products not to waste their hard-earned money on while shopping for Christmas presents.

Gwen Stefani performs "Wind It Up"
First Performed: 04o.


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) comments on an off-balanced phone call he received from Lindsay Lohan. Airplane passenger Gloria Patrick (Kristen Wiig) comments about her recent efforts to light a match in mid-flight to cover the smell of her flatulence. In an effort to speak out against same-sex marriage, Will Forte sings "Silly Silly Gays."

Recurring Characters: Al Gore.

Monster Under the Bed
Summary: When a little girl (Amy Poehler) thinks there might be a monster under her bed, her parents (Will Forte, Annette Bening) freak out and arm themselves with weaponry to ensure their family's safety.


Summary: Husband (Alec Baldwin) convinces his wife (Amy Poehler) that genital herpes can lie dormant for years before exposing itself.

Note: Repeat from 11/11/06.

Introverts' Night Out
Summary: Introverted co-workers Neil (Will Forte), Jean (Kristen Wiig) and Meryl (Annette Bening) finally make it out of the office to indulge in an after-work Happy Hour, which eventually opens them up to a discussion on butt-messin'.


Akon performs "I Wanna Love You"
Bio: Akon (1981-). Hip-Hop/R&B performer; real name: Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam; produced and performed on Gwen Stefani's 2006 album, The Sweet Escape.


Stanfield & Partlow
Summary: Lawyers Martha Stanfield (Annette Bening) and Christopher Partlow (Bill Hader) represent only cats as clients.

Note: This sketch ran short on time during the live broadcast.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Mrs. Claus
Summary: Santa claus is unaware that Mrs. Claus (Annette Bening) is having an affair.

Summary: Nuni (Fred Armisen) and Nuni (Maya Rudolph) receive a package in the mail.

Recurring Characters: Nuni, Nuni.

Celebrities Eating I
Summary: Liberace (Fred Armisen) eats spaghetti bolognese at an accelerated rate.

Recurring Characters: Liberace.

Celebrities Eating II
Summary: Gregory Peck (Bill Hader) eats clams at an accelerated rate.

Celebrities Eating III
Summary: Julie Andrews (Annette Bening) drinks a root beer float at an accelerated rate.

Recurring Characters: Julie Andrews.

Condom Ad
Summary: Soap opera stars Michael Park and Kim Zimmer talk about the condoms they use during sex scenes.

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