06h: Annette Bening / Gwen Stefani, Akon
Introverts Night Out
[Opens with a sports bar, everyone drinking, having a
good time. In comes Neil with his conservative style,
glasses, tie, vest, moustache, cow licked hair. Jean
with an outdated hairdo, grandma's clothes. And Meryl,
she is cute but with a depressed look on her face. She
is thin but from the waist down she is bigger and
fatter than the rest of her body.]
Neil: And here we are.
Jean: I have to say I'm really excited that the 3 of
us are going to enjoy our first after work snack tonight.
Meryl: Yes, I'm happy its working out. The Skiff
coupon from my secret Santa was really burning a hole in my pocket.
Jean: Oh, we wouldn't want that. Those are one of your flattering slacks.
Meryl: Oh, Jean.
Neil: So, what do we do here? Can we just sit down at
any given table? Is there a sign-up sheet? Sort of a seating grid?
Meryl: Well, that sign says "Please wait to be seated."
Mess it. If I'd known that I would've brought my folding stool.
Waiter: Excuse me. There is a table available right over there.
Neil: Wonderful. Great.
Meryl: Thank you.
Jean: Oh, excuse me.[to waiter.][Jean takes out Ziploc
bag full of change, takes couple of quarters gives it
to the waiter. He puts up with it.]Thank you.
Neil: Jean, what a great idea to bring a bag filled with tipping change.
Jean: I have to admit my original intent was not
gratuity related at all. I withdrew these quarters
from the bank to purchase music songs on the jukebox machine.
Meryl: Oh, Jean I didn't even think about the
possibility of a jukebox machine.
Jean: Meryl, its 2006!
Meryl: Then where in the name of Mary Todd Lincoln is it?
Neil: Excuse me, waiter. Where in the name of Mary
Todd Lincoln is your jukebox machine?
Waiter: We don't have a jukebox.
Meryl: No jukebox machine?
Jean: But I went to the bank!
Neil: I wanted to hear The Platters.
Waiter: Well, we have a DJ and he should be setting up pretty soon.
Neil: It's not Wolfman Jack, is it?
Waiter: I don't think so, no.
Neil: But he'll have The Platters?
Waiter: He mostly plays dance music.
Neil: So, he does have The Platters.
Meryl: Is there gonna be dancing?
Jean: Oh, mess it. I should have worn my sneakers flats.
Meryl: I have to admit. I'm a little nervous. I've never danced in public before.
Neil: Same here, Meryl. I've been in a number of
accidental dance situations. Stomping out fires,
rhythmically jumping in pain after stepping on a mouse
trap. But I've certainly never made a concerted effort to dance.
Jean: I did do a little salsa at my cousin's
commitment ceremony. I can't say for sure as I was
under the influence of a strong ring worm ointment.
Neil: Sounds like we're all on the same boat. A boat
we could quite logically christen "The U.S.S Non dancer".
Meryl: How can you 2 be so calm about this? I'm
quacking in my proverbial boots.
Jean: Meryl, why don't you take those jitters and turn them into a jitterbug?
Neil: Oh, what a fine, fine joke, Jean.[Kristen looks
like about to crack up, holds it]Too boot not
proverbially its as relevant as all get out.
Meryl: Well, I'm gonna sit this one out.
Jean: Meryl, are sure?!
Meryl: I'm positive. Truth be told I have a problem with leg sweat.
Jean: I didn't know you had leg sweat problems, Meryl.
Meryl: Unfortunately, yes. Its why I use a wheelchair at work.
Neil: Well, I think I'll fore go the dancing as well.
I had a double helping of oatmeal this morning but
unfortunately forgot to add water. The introduction of
dancing could make for a fairly implosive situation.
Jean: Do you think they'll allow pocket books on the
dance floor? Probably not. Excuse me, where are your pocket book lockers?
Waiter: We don't have lockers.
Meryl: No pocket book lockers? No jukebox machine? What the mess?
Jean: I said it before and I'll say it again. That's America, it's a problem.
Meryl: One more question, do you have wheelchairs for dancers with leg sweat problems?
Waiter: No. Are you going to order anything?
Jean: Oh, you know I'll have a warm mug of yellow eggnog.
Meryl: Oh, nog. Nog sounds good. Make that 2 nogs. Neil, nog?
Neil: Well, I was thinking about an ovaltine. Oh, mess it. Make it 3 egg nogs.
Waiter: Three eggnogs. Is that with or without alcohol?
Neil: Alcohol? I didn't know there was an option.
Meryl: I don't even know what it means.
[The trio talk over each other. Close-up on clock, time passes]
Jean: So, how is this going to work?
Neil: We'll start by gently rubbing each others
shoulders for exactly 5 minutes. I'll unburden both of
you of your blouses. From there we'll all put on
blindfolds and remove each others......[Close-up on
clock, more time passes]....and then I'll mess Meryl
while Jean watches and then Jean will mess Meryl while
I watch. Then Meryl and I will mess each other while
Jean messes herself.[Kristen is about to crack up]Then
the waiter will doggy mess Meryl as I reverse cowboy mess Jean.
Meryl: I have to say, I wasn't sure about it at first
but I'm really warming to the idea of getting butt messed.
Neil: Well, its too bad this country frowns upon it so.
Jean: Well, I said it before and I'll say it again.
That's America, it's a problem. [Kristen laughs finally]
[Cheers and Applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel