Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 8

06h: Annette Bening / Gwen Stefani, Akon

An SNL Movie Trailer Recut

[MPAA logo. "R" for Restricted.]

[Opens with Mayan indian Jaguar Paw opening his eyes, dramatic music, shot of the rising sun]

Caption on black screen: From Mel Gibson. Academy Award Winning Director of Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ.

[Shot of a panther's eye]

Caption on black screen: What would cause one of the greatest civilizations in history....

[Shots of Mayan sculptures, statues]

Caption on black screen: To dissapear?

[Shot of Jaguar Paw bound and sitting on the jungle, looks up and answers]

Jaguar Paw:[Subtitled] The Jews.

[Shots of Mayan indians running like hell through the jungle]

Caption subtitles: The jews are coming!! Run for your lives!!

[Mayan chief stands on top of a pyramid, hands up, talks to a large crowd below]

Mayan chief: [Subtitled]Hey, you guys! The jews are responsible for all the wars in the world![shot of Mayan women laughing] What are you laughing at, sugar tits? Aw, I didn't mean it. I'm so wasted right now.

[Quick action montage]

Caption: Mel Gibson's Apocalypto

[Shot of creepy Mayan girl]

Mayan Girl: [Whispers. Subtitles] I smell bagels.

[Screen turns black]

[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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