Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 9


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


December 9th, 2006

Justin Timberlake

Justin Timberlake

None

Jimmy Fallon

Cameron Diaz

"Santa's My Boyfriend"
Summary: While trimming the Christmas tree, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, and Kristen Wiig harmonize about the illicit boyfriend they have in Santa Claus.

Transcript


Montage


Justin Timberlake's Monologue
Summary: Justin Timberlake sings his favorite Christmas song with Alvin (Bill Hader) & The Chipmunks (Fred Armisen, Andy Samberg).

First Hosted: 03b.

Transcript


Homelessville
Summary: A Salvation Army bellringer dressed as Santa Claus (Will Forte) faces donation competition from Homelessville's Cup-of-Soup mascot (Justin Timberlake).

Recurring Characters: Mascot.


Target Greatland
Summary: While the Target clerk (Kristen Wiig) leaves shoppers hanging so she can buy decorative merchandise for her home, a stock boy (Justin Timberlake) mulls his chapped, burned, allergen-ridden lips.

Recurring Characters: Target Clerk.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: In a send up of R&B/rap videos of the early 90's, a Color Me Badd-esque duo (Andy Samberg, Justin Timberlake) surprise their ladies by gifting their "Dick in a Box".

Transcript


The Barry Gibb Talk Show
Summary: Robin Gibb (Justin Timberlake) remains mum while Barry Gibb (Jimmy Fallon) issues insane threats to his political guests.

Recurring Characters: Barry Gibb, Robin Gibb, Jimmy Carter.

Transcript


Dry Eyes
Summary: The game show where the winners don't cave in to their emotions and cry.

Note: Originally cut from the Matthew Fox dress rehearsal two weeks earlier.

Transcript


Justin Timberlake performs "My Love"
Lyrics


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Lou Dobbs (Darrell Hammond) provides his solutions for making a 700-mile wall along the Mexican border a reality. A same-sex couple from New Jersey (Fred Armisen, Bill Hader) comment on their civil union and the Christmas holidays.

Recurring Characters: Vinnie, Gay Guy from New Jersey.

Transcript


Hip Hop Kids
Summary: Teenaged hip hop artists ignorantly try to dance their way out of a mine shaft they got trapped in while using it as a shortcut.

Transcript


St. Ambrose Academy
Summary: Mrs. Hastings (Kenan Thompson) comes to the rescue when her ghetto-acting stepdaughter (Justin Timberlake) covets the role of an elf in the school play.

Recurring Characters: Mrs. Hastings.


A Holiday Message From Nancy Grace
Summary: Nancy Grace (Amy Poehler) bestows her judgment upon the story of a stripper who falsely accused three college boys of raping her.

Recurring Characters: Nancy Grace.


Justin Timberlake performs "What Goes Around"
Lyrics


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Quitting Time
Summary: Toy store employee (Justin Timberlake) brags to his co-worker (Fred Armisen) about getting off work at five o'clock.


Anderson Cooper 360
Summary: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) talks to two soldiers (Jason sudeikis, Will Forte) about the U.S. exit strategy from Iraq.

Recurring Characters: Anderson Cooper.


Condom Ad
Summary: Soap opera stars Michael Park and Kim Zimmer talk about the condoms they use during sex scenes.


Old Friends
Summary: A man (Will Forte) kidnaps Justin Timberlake to impress a woman (Maya Rudolph).


Michael McDonald's
Summary: michael McDonald (Justin Timberlake) decides to open a similarly-named fast food restaurant.



SNL Transcripts