Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 9







06i: Justin Timberlake

"Santa's My Boyfriend"

.....Amy Poehler
.....Kristen Wiig
.....Maya Rudolph

[ open on Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph decorating a Christmas tree ]

Amy Poehler: Well, it's the last show before Christmas, girls.

Kristen Wiig: How are you guys gonna spend the holidays?

Maya Rudolph: My holiday's gonna be super-special this year.

Amy & Kristen: [ they laugh ] Do tell!!

[ up-tempo piano music pots up ]

Maya Rudolph: I'm spending it with my new guy.

Amy Poehler: So am I!

Kristen Wiig: Me, too!

Maya Rudolph: What's he like?

Amy Poehler: Well.. I'll tell you!

[ the three of them step away from the tree to the front of the stage, as a curtain closes behind them ]

Amy Poehler: [ singing ]
"I've got a new man this holiday Someone who won't let me down."

Kristen Wiig:
"A guy whose eyes always sparkle
A man who can show you the town."

Maya Rudolph:
"My boyfriend knows when I'm sleeping
He always treats me right."

Together:
"He knows if I've been bad or good
But when I'm naughty, he thinks it's nice.

Santa's my boyfriend
Oh yes, Santa's the one that I love."

Maya Rudolph:
"I believe he's real, because I can still feel
The touch of his furry white glove."

[ the three of them touch their right hands to their faces ]

Together: Ahhhhh!!

"Santa's my boyfriend
Oh, I've never been in love like this."

Maya Rudolph: "When he comes down my chimney --"

Kristen Wiig: "I get weak in the knees --"

Amy Poehler: "Because it's his kiss that's first on my list!"

[ they point their fingers toward the camera ]

Amy Poehler: I like it when we jump in a sleigh, and he takes me to the north Pole!

Kristen & Maya: Ain't he the greatest!!

Kristen Wiig: He told me that he loves the taste of my milk and cookies!

Amy & Maya: [ excited ] He told me the same thing!!

Maya Rudolph: When everybody else is putting up their stockings, he's taking mine down!

[ the three of them giggle playfully ]

Together: You get the picture!!

"Santa's my boyfriend
He keeps me warm in the cold winter snow."

Kristen Wiig: "He's jolly and kind --"

Amy Poehler:
"And I don't even mind
When he sees me and shouts:

Together: 'Ho, ho, ho!'

Santa's my boyfriend!
And we'll have a wonderful life
I can't wait for the time, when he'll truly be mine
And he'll leave his bitch of a wife!"

Amy Poehler: He's gonna leave her, right?

Kristen Wiig: Of course he's gonna leave her - he promised!

Maya Rudfolph: They always promise, and it usually works out, right?

[ they giggle with uncertainty, the music stops ]

Together: [ singing ]
"Oh, liiiiiiiiiiive.
Oh, liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive from New Yorrrrrrrrrrrrrk.. it's Sat-ur-day.. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."


SNL Transcripts