Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 12

06l: Drew Barrymore / Lily Allen

An SNL Digital Short: Body Fuzion

Written by: Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph

Desiree.....Drew Barrymore
Donna.....Maya Rudolph
Michelle.....Kristen Wiig
Donna M.....Amy Poehler

[ tag (over black screen): "An SNL Digital Short" ]

[ cut to full-framed videotape presentation, with SUPER: "Body Fuzion Low Impact Workout" over jazzy piano music. Note that the picture contrast level occasionally fades in and out. ]

[ cut to workout studio scene, four women dressed in 80's exercise garb ]

Desiree: [ cheery ] I'm Desiree. And this.. is "Body Fuzion." [ close-up ] Do you want to meet my friends?

[ cut to close-up of Donna ]

Donna: Donna.

[ cut to close-up of Michelle ]

Michelle: Michelle.

[ cut to close-up of Donna M. ]

Donna M.: Donna.

[ cut to group shot ]

Desiree: Let's begin. This is a Low Impact, Level One workout. But, just because it's Low Impact, doesn't mean you won't get --

[ cut to Desiree poking her head between Donna M.'s legs ]

Desiree: -- high results!

[ card: "First Exercise: "Steps" " ]

[ cut to close-up of Desiree ]

Desiree: Our first exercise.. is called "The Step."

[ cut to group shot of the women performing the exercise ]

Desiree: Step left.. step right.. left.. right.

[ cut to close-up of Donna ]

Donna: WHOO!!!

[ close-up full shot of Desiree performing the exercise, her spandexed breasts jiggling ]

Desiree: Left.. right.

[ cut to extreme close-up of Desiree ]

Desiree: If this is not challenging enough, watch Michell show you the "advanced" style.

[ cut to Michelle putting an extra sashay into the exercise move ]

Desiree V/O: Left.. right.. left.. or --

[ cut to close-up of Desiree ]

Desiree: Take it easy, and do it easier like Donna M.

[ cut to Donna M. performing the same exercise with an extra-slow sashay ]

Desiree V/O: Left.. right.. left.. right.. left.. right.. left.. left --

[ as Desiree's voice gives the commands, a series of shots are jump-cut -- Donna's hips swaying, Michelle's breasts swaying, Donna M.'s hips swaying, Desiree's breasts swaying ]

[ Michelle wipes her brow with a smile ]

[ cut to close-up of Desiree ]

Desiree: This aligns our shockras [?] and helps oxygenate blood.

[ card: "Muscle Fitness" ]

[ Desiree walks over to Michelle and places her arms on her shoulders ]

Desiree: Let's tone our arms. You can use weights, or any household item.

Michelle: For a more advanced workout, use one-pound hand weights!

[ cut to Michelle's arms holding the hand-weights at knee level, as she slowly lifts them up past her crotch and breasts and up to her slyly-grinning face ]

[ cut to Donna ]

Donna: Pencils! [ show Donna lifting the pencil hand-weights ]

[ cut to Donna M. ]

Donna M.: Or air. [ she mimes lifting air hand-weights ]

[ card: "Flexibility" ]

[ cut to Desiree leaning against the fireplace ]

Desiree: Flexibility is important. [ she raises her above her head ] Breathe. And, one.. two.. three.

[ cut to Donna performing the exercise ]

Desiree V/O: Do the best you can.

[ cut to Michelle performing the exercise -- as she raises her leg, a pixelized circle covers her exposed crotch ]

Desiree V/O: Someone has done this before!

[ cut back to Desiree at the fireplace, still with her leg raised high ]

Desiree: Take it to the limit.

[ cut to close-up of Desiree, as she raises her leg straight to the ceiling and proceeds to bend it completely clockwise ]

Desiree: If this is too difficult.. work your fingers.

[ cut to Donna M. stretched across the floor, two fingers dressed in tights and stretching along the length of her buttocks ]

[ SUPER: "Fitness is important" ]

[ card: "Good Job" ]

[ this part of the tape is clearly damaged from overuse, as lines begin to bounce along the top and bottom of the screen for a few seconds ]

[ cut to Desiree ]

Desiree: That's all for today. Put in Tape 2 for an even lower level body workout.

[ cut to group shot ]

Desiree: [ points at camera ] "Body Fuzion!" Yaaaayyyyyy!!!!

[ all four women dance and jiggle with excitement, occasionally hugging one another, bouncing their hips together, and rubbing each other's buttocks ]

[ freeze-frame, with credits: "(c) 1986 Hollywood Productions Inc. & WGBH Boston" ]

[ fade ]

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