Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 13

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Guest Writers:

February 10th, 2007

Forest Whitaker

Keith Urban



Jim Cashman

Happy Valentine's Day from the Cheney Family
Summary: Dick (Darrell Hammond) and Lynne Cheney (Kristen Wiig) read from the various Valentine's Day cards they've received.

Recurring Characters: Dick Cheney.



Forest Whitaker's Monologue
Summary: Forest Whitaker and Maya Rudolph sing "Get Ready."

Bio: Forest Whitaker (1961). Actor; entered college on a football scholarship, yet focused on music and trained as an operatic tenor before turning his interests toward acting; films include: "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (1982), "Platoon" (1986), and "Good Morning, Vietnam" (1987); Oscar-nominated for his portrayal of Idi Amin in "The Last King of Scotland."

Bronx Beat with Betty & Jodi
Summary: Betty Caruso (Amy Poehler) and Jodi Deitz (Maya Rudolph) chatter about the cold weather in New York this week, while interviewing Dr. Joseph Humphries (Forest Whitaker) and Dr. Cora Reynolds (Kristen Wiig) about an upcoming blood drive.

Recurring Characters: Betty Caruso, Josi Deitz.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Ordinary scenes become extraordinary whenever we see "Andy Popping Into Frame." Will Forte attempts to cut in on the action, until the attention-starved Andy holds a gun to his head.

Singing Waiter
Summary: Restaurant patrons (Bill Hader, Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen, Maya Rudolph) endure endless singing from a waiter (Forest Whitaker) who insists on performing the entire song.


Summary: A man (Jason Sudeikis) discusses the renwed vigor of his urine stream.

Note: Repeat from 01/20/07.

Man vs. Beast
Summary: Humans compete with animals in a fight to the death.

Recurring Characters: Greg Gumbel.


Keith Urban performs "Stupid Boy"
Bio: Keith Urban (1967-). Country singer; married to actress Nicole Kidman since 2006; in 2007, sued same-name New Jersey painter for the rights to

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond) and the Rev. Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) measure presidential contender Barack Obama on the Blackness Scale. Scandal-ridden astronaut Bill Oefelein (Jason Sudeikis) tells his side of the story and flirts with Amy Poehler.

Recurring Characters: Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton.


Whitney Houston's Valentines Day Special
Summary: Love-starved Whitney houston (Maya Rudolph) can only think of Bobby Brown during her Valentine's special.

Recurring Characters: Whitney Houston, Chaka Khan.

Am I a Crazy Street Person?
Summary: Contestants are challenged to guess whether or not panelists are professional business people or crazy street trash.

Note: Cut from the dress rehearsal of this season's Jake Gyllenhaal episode.


Keith Urban performs "Once in a Lifetime"

A Message from the State Island Zoo
Summary: Zoo official Karen Donnally (Kristen Wiig) shows off a falsely accurate student video on the rocking lifestyle of sloths.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Summary: Lisa Nowak (Kristen Wiig); cold open.

Air Force One
Summary: The perfect shoe for white guys who don't have basketball skills.

Note: This commercial parody will finally air on the episode hosted by Peyton Manning.

Best Chef Super Challenge
Summary: A contestant (Forest Whitaker) makes rude remarks to get the judges to choose him.

The Boss
Summary: The boss (Forest Whitaker) yells at employees who make mistakes.

Summary: Two entrepreneurs (Forest Whitaker, Kenan Thompson) sell paintings of white celebrities painted black.

Cold Office
Summary: Employee (Bill Hader) and his secretary (Amy Poehler) grumble about how cold it is in the office.

Food Court
Summary: Two guys (Fred Armisen, Forest Whitaker) try to pick up women in a food court.

A Moment with the Out-of-Breath Jogger from 1933
Summary: In 1933, an exhausted jogger (Andy Samberg) continues to spout the era's cliched jargon while panting breathlessly.

Recurring Characters: Out-of-Breath Jogger.

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