Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 15


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Guest Writers:


March 17th, 2007

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Snow Patrol

None

Chris Rock

Kent Sublette

SNL Special Report: Road to the White House
Summary: Chris Rock gives his political insight on the candidates vying for the Presidency in 2008, and compares the qualities of Democratic frontrunners Oback Barama and Hillary Clinton.

Note: In dress rehearsal, Chris Rock performed this bit as a commentary on "Weekend Update."

Transcript


Montage


Julia Louis-Dreyfus' Monologue
Summary: Julia Louis-Dreyfus shows off clips which make the point that her life is constantly under scrutiny from the media.

Transcript


Oprah
Summary: Oprah Winfrey (Maya Rudolph) loudly praises the work of Rhonda Byrne's (Amy Poehler) new book, "The Secret."

Recurring Characters: Oprah Winfrey.


Monex
Summary: Gold enthusiast (Kristen Wiig) praises the power and allure of gold and gold-covered objects.

Transcript


Restless Penis Syndrome
Summary: When a woman (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) is convinced that her husband (Jason Sudeikis) is fooling around behind her back, he justifies his behavior by admitting to suffering from Restless Penis Syndrome amd quickly films a public service announcement for it in their bedroom.

Transcript


La Rivista Della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci
Summary: Fast-talking Italian talk show host Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci.


Snow Patrol performs "You're All I Have"
Bio: Alternative rock band based in Glasgow, Sweden; members are: Gary Lightbody (lead vocals, guitar), Paul Wilson (bass guitar, backing vocals), Jonny Quinn (drums, percussion), Nathan Connolly (guitar, backing vocals), Tom Simpson (keyboards).


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Judge Larry Seidlin (Fred Armisen) uses his loony sense of logic to discuss the possible resignation of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Amy Poehler drunk-dials Seth Meyers after celebrating a ltitle St. Patrick's Day cheer.

Recurring Characters: Judge Larry Seidlin.

Transcript


Deep House Dish
Summary: DJ Dynasty Handbag (Kenan Thompson) and co-host T'Shane (Andy Samberg) dish out more of the club music scene.

Recurring Characters: DJ Dynasty Handbag, T'Shane.


CBS Cares
Summary: Julia Louis-Dreyfus tangos with obnoxious boom mike operator Jeff (Jason Sudeikis) while filming a CBS-sponsored breast cancer PSA directed by Mike Underballs (Bill Hader).

Recurring Characters: Mike Underballs, Jeff.

Transcript


Home-bots
Summary: A lottery-winning couple (Jason Sudekis, Julia Louis-Dreyfus) have splurged on a group of robots (Will Forte, Fred Armisen, Kenan Thompson) that are not only slow and inefficient, but also repair one another in exchange for group sex benefits.

Transcript


Snow Patrol performs "Chasing Cars"


The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll
Summary: The CW Network hosts a competition to find the next member of the Pussycat Dolls.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

A Message From the President of the United States
Summary: President George W. Bush's remarks on current events delineates into March Madness.


Nike Pick Ups
Summary: Sneakers for guys can't play basketball very well.


American Hairlines
Summary: Airline personnel suffer from receding hairlines.


Tax Preparers


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg raps about his brither-in-law Roy.


Hearing Test
Summary: A woman (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) receives an old-fashioned hearing test.


Hockey Date
Summary: A hockey fanatic (Will Forte) is frustrated when his blind date (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) knows nothing about his favorite sport.



SNL Transcripts