Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 15

06o: Julia Louis-Dreyfus / Snow Patrol


Monex Spokeperson....Kristen Wiig

[Opens with rich lady in a elegant,upscale room.]

Monex Spokeperson: Is there anything more satisfying that owning gold and holding it in your hands? [Camera splits showing hands caressing gold coins. Stacks of gold coins in the background] What? You mean, you've never experienced it? Then call Monex now for this informative brochure and vhs tape that will show you how you can invest in gold. [Gold coins splash around on mountains of golden coins. 1-800-555-0199 Book and tape. Why gold? Why now?] Did you know that in the past 12 years the value of gold has gone up a little bit? [A bunch of gold coins weigh more than a stack of dollars in a balance] I love touching gold. I would never do this with mere paper money. [Lady caresses her face with a gold coin. Kisses it.] "Guold" I love it. There is no better time to invest in gold than right around the time that it is now. [Lady goes into a golden living room] Look around my living room. Every surface is covered in 100% real gold. [In a golden table a photo of Goldie Hawn, a goldfish in a bowl, the lady drinks a glass of orange juice] I'm not drinking gold. I wish. This is orange juice but the brand is Florida Gold. I guarantee you'll spend hours caressing your gold, [hands caressing gold coins] massaging your gold, [hands massaging gold coins] washing your face in "guold" [lady splashes gold coins in her face like water in slow motion] What time is it? Oh, I know. It's time for you to call Monex and invest in "guold". [1-800-555-0199. Coins splashing around] Call today and tomorrow you'll be enjoying your "guold", touching your "guold", golding your gold "guold" [Lady is ecstatic in a shower of gold coins] Well? Convinced? I think I made a really good case for "guold". Speaking of gold case. [Lady picks up golden briefcase] I'm late for work. I work for gold. Ohh, I better put this on. [Lady puts on a golden scarf] It's getting "gold" outside. [Monex logo, coins splash around] Monex. "Guold".

[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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