06p: Peyton Manning / Carrie Underwood
A.D. ....Kristen Wiig
Extra on a rock....Will Forte
[Opens with a building. Stage 18 Studio. Cut to the
inside of it. They are shooting the epic flick 300.
There's a set with a blue screen in the back. A rock
formation in the back also with a Spartan soldier
wearing a red cape on it. Mitch is dressed up and made
up as a shirtless, bald, humongous freak. Blaine plays
a regular Spartan soldier, red cape etc. The director
is giving them instructions]
Director: All right, Mitch, Mitch. Here's what's gonna
happen, all right. Huge battle is going on. We'll be
going blue screen on a storm back here, all right? You
pick up this gigantic rock. You raise it over your
head and you smash it down on Blaine's head here.
Blaine: I'm like, cowering?
Director: Yeah, you're terrified Blaine.
Blaine: I'm like freaking out cause this guy is gonna
splatter my brains everywhere.
Director: Correct. Yes.
Mitch: I'm on full-on monster mode?
Director: Absolutely, yeah, yeah. Let me see those
chompers. Give me a big snarl.
Director: Beautiful, wonderful. All right, let's shoot
this thing. Let's get into position.
[Walks away, stands by the cameraman]
A.D.: 300, scene 208, take one.[clack]
Director: And action!
[Blue screen is a stormy sky now. Mitch holds the fake
giant rock over his head. Blaine acts like he's
terrified of getting hit]
[Mitch just stands there holding the rock over his head]
Director: Ok, throw the rock, Mitch. Mitch, throw the rock!
[Mitch is just frozen with the rock over his head]
Director: All right, throw it! Throw the rock, Mitch!
Mitch, throw it!! Ok, let's cut, let's cut.[Goes over
to Mitch] Ok, what happened?
Mitch: Oh, I'm supposed to throw it?
Mitch: Oh, so it's not like special effects?
Director: No, no, no. This shot is you killing him with this rock.
Director: Ok, so you're good?
Mitch: Yeah, I'm good. Throw the rock.
Blaine:[playfully] Yeah, not too hard.
Director: Ok, let's do it again.
[Walks back besides cameraman]
A.D.: 300, scene 208, take two.[clack]
Director: And action! Throw it!!
[Mitch just stands there. Big rock over his head]
Director: Throw the rock down on him, Mitch!! NOW!!
Throw the rock, Mitch!! Can you hear me?!!
Director: THROW THE ROCK THEN!!!!
Director: Augh! All right, cut it, cut it, cut
it.[Goes over to Mitch] Mitch, Mitch. Are you
physically not able to throw the rock?
Mitch: I can throw it. Look.
[Throws fake rock, bounces off of Blaine]
Director: Ok, that's great, that's great! That's
exactly what I want! After I say action do exactly
what you just did.
Mitch: Throw it down on him.
Director: Right on his head. All right? Show me those chompers.
Director: Ok, good. Let's go, let's go. Let's do it
again.[Goes back besides cameraman]
A.D.: 300, scene 208, take 3.
Director: All right! Are you ready Mitch?!!
Director: Ok, after I say action what are you going to do?
Mitch: Throw the rock!
Director: All right. I'm getting ready to say action!
Mitch: Go ahead!
[Mitch just stands there with the rock over his head]
Director: Mitch, come on! Throw the rock!!! Ple-e-e-ase!!!
Cameraman: Hey, throw the rock, man!!
Extra on a rock: Throw the rock!
Blaine: Do it, man! Throw the rock at me. Aaaahhh!!
[Nothing, Mitch is frozen]
Director: Oh, my God! CUT![goes to Mitch] Ok, what are
you doing to me, Mitch?
Mitch: I was gonna throw the rock. I was waiting for your cue.
Director: What cue are you waiting for?
Mitch: You tell me!
Blaine: What if I pull it down on my own head? Like, aaahh....
Director: No, that's a stupid idea. Who would pull a
boulder down on his own head?
Blaine: To hide from him or something....
Mitch: No, that's totally dumb. I'll get it this time.
Let's try it again.
Director: All right.
Cameraman: We got only 30 seconds of film left, man.
We got to get this.
Director: Ok, Mitch. Seriously, please, dear God!!
Just throw the boulder down on Blaine when I tell you
to. Ok? Then we all get to go home.
Mitch: I heard you the first time. I'm not an idiot.
Director: Ok, we're gonna shoot this one. Let's go,
let's go. [Stands next to cameraman]
A.D.: 300, scene 208, take 4. [clack]
[Mitch frozen with the boulder over his head]
Director: OH MY GOD!!!Mitch!!Mitch!! It's a battle
scene! You are trying to kill Blaine! What you're
gonna use? That rock, right? It's got to come down!
So, just throw it!!!
Cameraman: 10 seconds.
Director: Augh! THROW THE BOULDER!!!
Cameraman: Roll out. No more film.
Director: Cut!! Damn it!!
Mitch: How was that?
Director: You did great, yes, that was great, that was
great. Hey, everyone! This scene is cut from the film.
Mitch: Everyone! That's a picture wrap for Mitch!
Check the gate![leaves]
Blaine:[claps] C'mon guys, you did great.
Director: No, don't clap.
[cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel