Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 19







06s: Molly Shannon / Linkin Park

MacGruber II

April.....Molly Shannon
Casey.....Maya Rudolph
MacGruber.....Will Forte

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Singers:
MacGruber!
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
MacGruber!
He has a drink or two each night, but it doesn't affect his job!
MacGruber!
The guy's a social drinker!

[CUT to MacGruber chugging a bottle against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to grassed hut along a riverbank. SUPERIMPOSE caption, "P.O.W. Prison Camp." CUT to a sign marked "Prison Control Room" as sirens wail.]

April: [struggling with locked door] Damn! This door is locked from the outside!

Casey: As soon as that liquid hydrogen's released, this baby's gonna blow sky-high!

April: What's the plan, Macgruber?

MacGruber: [leaning back casually with a shot glass in his hands] I wanna kiss you on the mouth.

April: What?!

Casey: [ looking at her watch ] TEN seconds!

April: What do we do, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Okay, okay, quickly. [ puts his shot glass down ] April, hand me that guitar. [ April reaches for a guitar ] Give me the guitar, give me the guitar! [ April hands him the guitar ] Come on. Okay, check this out: [ plays the guitar and sings ] "Macgruber. I've got ten inches of lovin', and I want to give it to ya' --"

April: [ incredulous ] Are you drunk?

MacGruber: [ still singing ] "Macgruber. Okay, maybe it's not ten, but it's certainly seven --"

April: Come on, man! Do something!

MacGruber: [ still singing ] "Macgruber. Okay, it's more like five, maybe four. Macgruuuuuber --"

[CUT to the prison camp exploding into flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]


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