Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 2




07b: Seth Rogen / Spoon

MacGruber I

MacGruber.....Will Forte
Casey.....Maya Rudolph
Caleb.....Seth Rogen

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Singers:
MacGruber!
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
MacGruber!
He's getting kind of old now, and that makes him uncomfortable!
MacGruber!
He might go get some work done!

[CUT to MacGruber performing punching pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to a series of rolling hills in the desert. SUPERIMPOSE caption, "Deserted Silver Mine." CUT to a sign marked "Mine Control Room" as sirens wail.]

Caleb: [struggling with locked door] The mine door's sealed shut, MacGruber!

Casey: That's not our only problem, Macgruber -- once this hydrogen meter reaches Critical, this baby's gonna blow!

MacGruber: [wearing a bandana over his head] Okay. This is no time to panic. You're in good hands. I've been doing this all my life. For over 44 -- excuse me -- 37 years -- in October -- so I'm 36, but I think if you were to ask most people on the street --

Casey: [ looking at her watch ] FIFTEEN seconds!

MacGruber: Right! Time me, folks! Casey! Hand me that copper wire!

Casey: You got it, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Caleb! That feather!

Caleb: Gotcha, 'Grubes!

MacGruber: Casey! That cup!

Casey: Right here!

MacGruber: Okay, great! Now if I can just bypass this detonator, I'll -- I'll -- [ his bandana falls off, revealing a balding head ] Ooh! Ooh! Both of you! Behind you! Look behind you! [ Casey and Caleb look behind them ] Is there a thing I need back there?! [ Casey turns back to look at MacGruber ] Just turn around -- turn around! [ she turns back ] Just whatever you see, whatever you find, just -- just pick them up and give them to me -- [ he quickly tries to tie the bandana back over his balding head ] Okay.. okay..

Casey: I find this caulking putty!

Caleb: Here's a battery!

MacGruber: Okay, okay! [ still struggling with his bandana ] Uhh -- you just hang on to those -- I think that I have everything that I need over here, thank you.

Casey: TWO seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Okay! That's more than enough time for me to tie this bandana back on, and --

[CUT to the mine exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]


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