Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 2







07b: Seth Rogen / Spoon

Veritas Ultrasound HD

Expectant Dad....Jason Sudeikis
Expectant Mom....Kristen Wiig
Ob/Gyn....Fred Armisen
Veritas Representative....Bill Hader

[Opens with a pregnant lady and her husband watching an ultrasound with the doctor explaining what's on screen.]

Ob/Gyn: And this here. That's your baby's head.

Expectant Mom: Wow. [smiles]

Ob/Gyn: Here's his nose.

Expectant Dad: [frustrated] If you say so.

Expectant Mom: Honey, what's wrong?

Expectant Dad: What's wrong? This picture quality is terrible.

[A man in a suit walks in the frame]

Veritas Representative: Ultrasound.[sighs, rolls eyes] For years expectant fathers have been forced to fake interest in crude, low quality, grainy images of their unborn children. Well, not any longer. Thanks to the Veritas Ultrasound HD.

[Expectant dad is in front of a 50 inch HD TV monitor in which he can see live in color the unborn fetus in every detail. He whistles in admiration]

Veritas Representative: We live in a High Definition world. If you could see an NFL's lineman's breath in a January playoff game, you shouldn't have to ask a doctor where your baby's eyes are.

[Expectant mom and dad sit on a living room couch]

Expectant Dad: I'm excited about being a dad. But also a little nervous. That last thing I need to worry about is the low quality of the ultrasound image. That's why we made sure our Ob/Gyn had the new Veritas Ultrasound HD monitor.

Expectant Mom: [uneasy] We also made sure he was a good doctor.

Veritas Representative: With 1080p display resolution and a flat panel liquid crystal screen you'll be saying goodbye to blurry shapes and fuzzy lines. With Veritas you're not gonna need some doctor to tell you if its a boy or a girl.

[Expectant dad points to the fetus groin on the HD screen]

Expectant Dad: Now, that's a penis!

Veritas Representative: The Ultrasound HD is the only ultrasound with picture-in-picture option.

[Expectant dad and the Ob/Gyn are enjoying an action movie on the big HD screen while the expectant mom watches the tiny picture-in-picture image of the baby]

Expectant Dad: Whoa! That comes in handy when you want to watch a movie in the doctor's office.

Expectant Mom: [angry] You don't watch a movie in the doctor's office.[she takes the TV remote and changes the fetus image for the big HD screen and the action movie to the tiny-picture-in-picture]

Ob/Gyn: Hey.

Expectant Dad: [looking at the picture-in-picture option] Oh, here we go.

Veritas Representative: And as the official ultrasound of the NFL Veritas offers the future fan option which shows you what your unborn child looks like in the helmet of your favorite team.

[The big HD screen shows the fetus wearing a football helmet. The NFL logo is at the bottom right of the screen]

Expectant Dad: Now that's something to celebrate!

Expectant Mom: I'm just happy the baby's healthy.

Expectant Dad: That too.

[Big HD screen shows an explosion from the action flick]

Expectant Dad: Who said having a baby couldn't be exciting?!

Expectant Mom: [fed up] No one said that.

Announcer: Veritas Ultrasound H D.

[fade]

[cheers and applause]


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel


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