Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 3














07c: Jon Bon Jovi / Foo Fighters

Jon Bon Jovi's Monologue

.....Jon Bon Jovi
Female Audience Member.....Liz Cackowski
Male Audience Member.....Steve Higgims
.....Richie Sambora

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Jon Bon Jovi!

Jon Bon Jovi: Thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you very much! It's great to be back on "Saturday Night Live"! You know, me and the guys have been musical guests here three times before, but, uh -- tonight, I'm here as your host. [ audience cheers ] For once, I don't have to sing for my supper --

Female Audience Member: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Uh -- does that mean that you -- you won't be -- singing?

Jon Bon Jovi: That's right, dear. Tonight, I'm just the host. I'm here for the comedy aspect of, uh -- you know -- the show.

Female Audience Member: Oh. Okay. Well --

Jon Bon Jovi: The Foo Fighters are here.

Female Audience Member: Huh. Well, this should be fun.

Jon Bon Jovi: Look, uh -- uh -- uh -- I'm sorry about the singing part, but tonight it's just about the acting, you know?

Male Audience Member: Right, right! Because who wants to see Jon Bon Jovi sing? I want to see Jon Bon Jovi act! This'll be the greatest night of my life! [ grabs the woman seated next to him ] Let's go. [ he waves to Jon Bon Jovi before leaving ]

Jon Bon Jovi: Why do I always have to sing? Why can't I, just for once, be the host of "Saturday Night Live"?

Voice: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I got a question!

[ Cut to reveal Richie Sambora, guitar strapped around his body, waving his hand from among the audience. The audience cheers his presence. ]

Jon Bon Jovi: Yes?

Richie Sambora: Don't we have a new album?

Jon Bon Jovi: Yes. Yes. Any other questions?

Richie Sambora: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.. hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on! [ he stares straight ahead, begins to laugh lightly ] I've lost my --

Jon Bon Jovi: Any other questions?

Richie Sambora: Hey, hey, hey, hey! [ still struggling to find his line on the cue card ]

Jon Bon Jovi: [ helping him ] Did I ever consider your feelings?

Richie Sambora: Ah! "Did you ever consider my feelings?" Did you ever consider the band's feelings?

[ The audience cheers the on-air gaffe, as Sambora laughs along with them ]

Jon Bon Jovi: As a matter of fact, I DID, Richie Sambora! Why don't we do what we do BEST, right here, right now? Lordy! Help me go to the stage, gentle person!

[ Together, they cross over to the adjacent stage, as the other members of Bon Jovi start up the song "Lost Highway" ]

Bon Jovi: [ singing ]
"In my rearview mirror
My life is getting clearer
The sunset sighs and slowly disappears.
These trinkets once were the treasure
Life changes like the weather
You grow up, grow old, or hit the road íround here.
So I drive, watching white lines passing by
With my plastic dashboard Jesus, waiting there to greet us.

Hey, hey, I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas, there ainít no brakes on this lost highway.
Iím busting loose, Iím letting go
Out on this open road
Itís Independence Day on this lost highway.

Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!

I donít know where Iím going
But I know where Iíve been
And Iím afraid of going back again.
Still I drive, years and miles are flying by
And waiting there to great us
Is my plastic dashboard Jesus.

Hey, hey, I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas, there ainít no brakes on this lost highway.
Iím busting loose, Iím letting go
Out on this open road
Itís Independence Day on this lost highway.

Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!

Oh, patron saint of lonely souls
Tell this boy which way to go
Guide this car, you got the keys
Farewell to mediocrity.
Kicking off the cruise-control
And turning up the radio
Got just enough religion
And a half-a-tank of gas -- come on, letís go!

I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas, there ainít no brakes on this lost highway.
Iím busting loose, Iím letting go
Out on this open road
Itís Independence Day on this lost highway.

Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!

On this lost highway."

Jon Bon Jovi: Alright, we've got a great show! Foo Fighters are here! Stick around, we'll be right back!


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