Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 3













07c: Jon Bon Jovi / Foo Fighters

An SNL Digital Short

.....Andy Sandberg
.....Will Forte
.....Dave Grohl
.....Taylor Hawkins
.....Jason Sudeikis
.....Jon Bon Jovi

Caption: An SNL Digital Short. People Getting Punched Just Before Eating.

[Techno music beat plays throughout the short]

[A senior citizen with white hair is getting ready for a snack on a park bench. Andy runs in a punches him in the face]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy does a tough guy pose. Jumps up and down celebrating. Old man touches his jaw and watches him enjoying himself]

[Will Forte is about to have a slice of pizza on a city sidewalk. Goes for a bite and Andy punches him in the face knocking him down]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy gives a thumbs up and dances wildly]

[Young guy and middle age man talk on a city street. Young guy peels a banana and Andy flies in and punches him in the face. Knocks him out]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy celebrates, jumps around, grabs middle age man hands and dances with him overjoyed]

[Foo Fighters singer Dave Grohl is sitting on a cafeteria table reading a newspaper. His drummer Taylor Hawkins sits next to him ready to have some lunch. Andy punches Taylor in the face, knocks him out. Dave keeps reading his paper]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy celebrates and leaves. Dave notices some french fries on Taylor's tray. Picks some up and Andy flies back in and punches him in the face, knocks him out]

Caption: DOUBLE PUNCHED!

[Andy celebrates, makes heavy metal signs with his fingers]

[Jon Bon Jovi is ready to have a light salad in the TV studio break room. Andy punches him in the face, knocks him down]

Caption: JOVI PUNCH!

[Jon Bon Jovi gets up playing an electric guitar, points at the camera]

Caption: FULL RECOVERY

[Jason Sudeikis is about to bite into a burger and Andy goes to punch him out. A cell phone interrupts and Jason picks it up. Andy backs off. Jason ends the call, goes for a bite of his burger and Andy punches him in the face]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy celebrates]

[Guy eating a salad is punched, knocked out]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Guy eating an apple is punched, knocked out]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Guy eating potato chips is punched, knocked out]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Businesswoman eats hot dog is punched, knocked out]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Will Forte goes for another slice of pizza, looks to both sides careful to not being punched again. He has a black eye. Andy appears and Will is ready to defend himself. Andy backs off. Will goes for his slice of pizza. Andy slowly emerges from behind Will and garrotte's him to death. Andy dances around]

Caption: [flashing] MURDER!

[Andy punches guy ready to eat, ko's him]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy punches guy sitting on a stoop, ko's him]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy punches black girl eating Chinese, ko's her]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy punches Fred Armisen while he reads a paper]

Caption: PUNCHED!

[Andy smiles for the camera and holds up a severed arm. Drops the arm horrified. Fred has turned into a zombie, he growls]

[Horror music plays]

[The punched out victims have turned into zombies and are moving towards Andy. Andy is scared and runs. He runs past the Eiffel Tower in Paris, zombies follow him. Runs past the Mount Rushmore Monument, zombies follow in hot pursuit]

[Techno music resumes]

[Andy and the zombies dances in front of a Indian palace, probably the Taj Mahal]

Caption: ZOMBIE DANCE

[Andy and the zombies dance. 1,2,3,4, 1,2,3,4 1,2,3,4]

Caption: BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS

[Andy smiles big for the camera]

[Scene goes to black]

[Cheers and applause]


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel


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