Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 5







07e: Tina Fey / Carrie Underwood

Annuale

Woman.....Tina Fey
Second Woman.....Kristen Wiig
Third Woman.....Amy Poehler
Fourth Woman.....Casey Wilson

[ open on Woman walking across the scene ]

Announcer: What if you could have your period... just once a year?

Woman: [ she smiles ] My period? Once a year?

[ cut to Second woman, shopping for shoes ]

Second Woman: Once a year? I'd like that!

Announcer: New Annuale extends the time between your period... by eleven months.

[ cut to Third Woman, exercising on a mat ]

Third Woman: How does it work?

[ cut to close-up of hands opening the multi-pack of pills ]

Announcer: Each Annuale pack has forty-four weeks of active pills, instead of the usual three, keeping you on a constant stream fo hormones so your time of the month can be just once a year.

[ cut to Fourth Woman, painting a pink circle ]

Fourth Woman: That's all I have time for! [ she laughs ]

[ cut to Woman and Third Woman chatting ]

Woman: And, when it is time for your period... hold on to your f--kin' hat!

[ cut to black-and-white footage of Woman on a rampage, swinging a pink axe at her co-workers ]

[ cut to black-and-white footage of Fourth Woman on a rampage, roughing up a pink birthday cake in her hands while at a children's birthday party ]

[ cut to black-and-white footage of Third Woman on a rampage, kicking her husband in the crotch with pink shoes and pummeling him with her fists ]

[ cut to black-and-white footage of Second Woman on a rampage, making out with her pet dog who wears a pink collar ]

[ cut to black-and-white footage of Woman thrusting her pink axe into the air while screaming ]

[ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Annuale's not for everyone. [ as the text scrolls over color footage of the four women screaming ] Do not take if you are using MAIO Inhibitors or if your occupatino requires you to operate heavy machinery. Do not take Annuale if you ever plan to become pregnant, as it may turn your baby into a firemonster. In the days around your period, you may develop a leathery tail. Annuale may cause you to develop a second vagina. Notify authorities in your town when your period is imminent as they may want to incarcerate you pre-emptively like a wolfman.

Third Woman: Ask your doctor if Annuale is right for you.

Woman: And if she says it is... go to a store, buy a hat, and get ready to hold the f--k on to it!

[ the four woman laugh collectively ]

Fourth Woman: [ serious ] We're not kidding.

[ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Annuale. Once a year. Period. [ a beat ] Oh! That's a play on words! I just got that!

Third Woman V/O: Shut up! Ohhhhh, here it comes!

[ fade ]


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