Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 5












07e: Tina Fey / Carrie Underwood

Virgania Horsen's Hot Air Balloon Rides

Virgania Horsen.....Kristen Wiig

[ open on Virgania Horsen standing in front of various green-screen images inside an airport ]

Virgania Horsen: Are you sick of the airport? The long lines? Security? The danger of terrorism?

[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front of a green-screen image of hot air balloon soaring over the city ]

Virgania Horsen: Why not take a ride in a... hot air balloon?

[ cut to product card ]

Virgania Horsen: Virgania Horsen's Hot Air Balloon Rides.

[ cut to images of hot air balloons soaring over the city ]

Virgania Horsen: You don't have to worry about terrorists... or long lines... and it's just you and me -- up in the air!

[ cut to an image of Virgania Horsen standing in a hot air balloon basket that zooms to the front of the camera ]

Virgania Horsen: Whoa-oa-oa! [ as she looks out from above the city ] Hey! I can see my house from here! Just kidding. Why not take a ride in my balloon? I'll cut you a deal. [ the basket zooms away from the camera ] Whee-ee-ee!!

[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front of a green-screen image of an airport metal detector ]

Virgania Horsen: Forget about airport security. [ looks at the image of people entering the metal detector ] See you later, suckers. I'm taking myself a hot air balloon ride.

[ cut to Virgania Horsen floating across a green-screen sky in her hot air balloon basket ]

Virgania Horsen: Oo-oo-ooh! Fresh air! Listen: I'm not one of those college types who's gonna talk your ear off. I bought a balloon, and it doesn't mean I think I'm better than everybody else. [ she holds a book ] Or I can just read a book. I'm not one of those people who doesn't know how to be quiet.

[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front a green-screen swatting words like "Long Lines", "Terrorist" and "Airport Security" away from her ]

[ close-up of Virgania Horsen with the word "Winner!" in front of her ]

[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front of a green-screen image of hot air balloon soaring over the city ]

Virgania Horsen: So come on over, and take a ride in my hot air balloon, and I'll take you wherever you want to go. I promise.

[ cut to product card ]

Virgania Horsen: Virgania Horsen's Hot Air Balloon Rides.

[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in her hot air balloon basket ]

Virgania Horsen: Come ride with me!! [ fade ]


SNL Transcripts