Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 7

07g: Amy Adams / Vampire Weekend

An SNL Digital Short

Businessman/Superhero....Andy Samberg
Purse snatcher....Jason Sudeikis
Victim....Amy Adams

[Opens with a rainy night in the city. The city buildings light up the city's skyline. A businessman pours himself a drink. He looks out his office window. It is one of the top floors. He sings with a troubled heart.]

Businessman/Superhero: [sings] "As I look down in the city..."

[He looks down from up on the roof balcony]

" heart sings and cries..."

[He sits in his office]

" much crime and evil, everywhere deceit and lies."

[A masked mugger runs down the street with a bat, a quick drug sale from a van takes place]

"Brothers turning on their brothers, sisters stealing from her sisters!"

[Back in his office]

"Where the dying go to die."

[Businessman walks the busy city streets. He looks up to the sky]

"So much lies and corruption, the drugs are killing our children...."

[Appalled at the sight of a homeless wino and an overflowed trash bin]

"And no one seems to care, nobody seems to give a damn!!"

[He slaps his gloves into his hands]

"Evildoer pay the piper, I can't take another murder."

[Paper headlines "Another 50 murders". Businessman is angry, disgusted]

"the time is now at hand..."

[Businessman is back in the office, quick flash. Now the businessman is on top of the roof. He wears a full superhero costume. Cape, mask, purple muscled body suit. Heroic pose. Music becomes more heroic]

"...and so I rise from the ashes, the people need a superhero, someone to save them!"

[A purse snatcher is struggling with a woman to get her purse. She tries to fight him off.]

Victim: Help! Somebody, please help me!

[Our Superhero appears behind the purse snatcher]

Businessman/Superhero: [sings] "You stop!, unhand her right now! You're about to meet your maker..."

[The purse snatcher looks around, he's a little surprised by the Superhero]

Businessman/Superhero: "Justice has a new name, YEAH! YEAH!, YEAH!, YEAH! For too long you've walked among--"

[He's interrupted by a punch to face from the purse snatcher, music stops. The purse snatcher punches our Superhero 18 times in the face. Our Superhero finally goes down on his knees, the purse snatcher continues to punch him the face again and again. He administers 30 more blows to the face of our Superhero. The woman looks around worried and is feeling guilty that our Superhero is receiving an unholy beating because of her. One of the blows makes our Superhero spit out blood on the sidewalk. The woman makes her way past the purse snatcher and our Superhero.]

Victim: I just want to say...thank you. You've been....very brave. [leaves]

[Purse snatcher tires from punching our Superhero in the face. He picks up a mailbox and crashes it on our Superhero's forehead. Superhero lays flat on the sidewalk unconscious. Purse snatcher picks up a piece of wood and whacks our Superhero in the chest with it. Purse snatcher finally walks away and leaves our Superhero half-dead on the city sidewalk.]

[Screen goes black]

[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts