Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 8

07h: Jonah Hill / Mariah Carey

What's Your Situation?

Lou Delholm.....Jonah Hill
Bethany Graham.....Kristen Wiig
Tanya Perkins.....Casey Wilson
Rhonda.....Amy Poehler

Announcer: Itís time once again for everyoneís favorite brain-busting game show: ďWhatís Your Situation?Ē And here is your host Lou Delholm.

Lou Delholm: Hi everybody, Iím Lou Delholm and as always weíve got a great game for you, so letís get right to it. Contestants, for 50 points: what measure of energy comes from the Latin word meaning heat? Bethany Graham from White Plains?

Bethany Graham: That would be the calorie.

Lou Delholm: Very good Bethany, you are on the board! And letís follow up this question with another one just for you: Bethany, whatís your situation?

Bethany Graham: I... Iím sorry, what?

Lou Delholm: You know, whatís your situation, are you single, are you seeing somebody or?...

Bethany Graham: Oh, Iím single at the moment...

Lou Delholm: Itís good to know, itís good to know... cool, cool, itís good to know... Our next question is from the world of sports, here we go: this nine-time Olympic gold medalist... Tanya Perkins with the early buzz?

Tanya Perkins: Is it Jackie Joyner-Kersee?

Lou Delholm: Oh, Iím sorry, Tanya, we were looking for Mark Spitz. But let me hear you up with the follow-up question though. Tanya, whatís your situation?

Tanya Perkins: Is this for points?

Lou Delholm: It could be... it could be for a lot of points, whatís your situation?

Tanya Perkins: Um... Iím married.

Lou Delholm: Oh... why?

Tanya Perkins: ĎCause I love my husband?

Lou Delholm: Well, thatís the end of the road for Tanya; thanks so much for playing the game.

Tanya Perkins: Thatís it?

Lou Delholm: Yeah, bye Tanya. Rhonda, youíve been awful quiet over there.

Rhonda: Uh-huh?

Lou Delholm: You want something to drink? Something, a daiquiri or something?

Rhonda: Iíd love a question.

Lou Delholm: Okay, hereís one: Rhonda, whatís your sitch?

Rhonda: Iím sorry, what does this have to do with the game?

Lou Delholm: Are you a lesbian, is that it?

Rhonda: Whatís wrong with you?

Lou Delholm: Itís cool Rhonda, youíre a lesbian, whatever. And that means Bethanyís our big winner today!

Bethany Graham: I only answered one question...

Lou Delholm: Good enough for me, and now hereís your chance to double your money. Walk this way and take a crack at our isolation chamber.

Bethany Graham: Ooh.

Lou Delholm: You have 30 seconds, letís go, come on.

Bethany Graham: Wait, youíre coming too?

Lou Delholm: Yeah, Iím gonna come in, also.

Bethany Graham: Oh.

[ they enter the isolation booth together, now seen only in silhoette ]

Lou Delholm: So, whatís up?

Bethany Graham: Um, whatís up with what?

Lou Delholm: I dunno know, you tell me...

Bethany Graham: Am I winning?

Lou Delholm: Yeah, itís so definitely.

Bethany Graham: Okay, look, I think Iím gonna go.

Lou Delholm: Shh, what kind of music do you like, Maroon 5?

Bethany Graham: Okay, what, what, can you open this door, please?

Lou Delholm: Sure, yeah, okay.

[ he opens the door, they step out of the isolation booth ]

Bethany Graham: Creep. [ she exits ]

Lou Delholm: Man, she got weird.

Rhonda: Yeah.

Lou Delholm: Well, donít you go anywhere because when we come back, Rhonda is gonna be trying her luck in the isolation booth.

Rhonda: No, Iím not.

Lou Delholm: Weíll be right back.

Rhonda: Iím not going in there.

Lou Delholm: You should.

Rhonda: No, I donít want to. Thank you.

Lou Delholm: You should...

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Jacques

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