Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 9


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:



April 5th, 2008

Christopher Walken

Panic at the Disco

None

Christopher Dodd

Jim Downey

Paula Pell

Bryan Tucker

John Lutz

Hillary for President
Summary: Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler) outlines her and Bill's (Darrell Hammond) income tax returns.

Recurring Characters: Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton.


Montage


Christopher Walken's Monologue
Summary: Christopher Walken supplies audience members (Jim Downey, Paula Pell, Bryan Tucker, John Lutz) with index cards, then “spontaneously” asks if they have any questions they'd like him to answer.

First Hosted: 89k.

Transcript


annuale
Summary: New women's hygeine product makes it possible for women to endure their period just once a year, albeit with dangerous side effects the remainder of the year.

Note: Repeat from 07e.


Grease Rehearsals
Summary: When the high school drama club makes plans to perform “Grease”, it's up to the musical theater director (Christopher Walken) to clean up the raunchy lyrics in "Greased Lightnin'" by creating a series of nonsensical teen-friendly rhymes that shift the focus of the song from a souped-up race car to seeing dragons with "Match Game" emcee Gene Rayburn.

Transcript


Eric's Farewell
Summary: Nathan (Jason Sudeikis) is delighted by the going-away party the office staff has thrown for him, until it comes time for stalkish co-worker Eric (Christopher Walken) to say his heartfelt goodbyes.

Transcript


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg and Bill Hader interrupt Lorne Michael's dinner with Christopher Dodd to present the debut of “Laser Cats 3-D.”


Surprise Party
Summary: A man (Christopher Walken) enlists his friends to help him throw a surprise party for his granddaughter (Casey Wilson), but the excitement is much more than Sue (Kristen Wiig) can handle.

Transcript


Panic at the Disco performs "Nine in the Afternoon"
Bio: Alternative rock group; name taken from lyrics in the Name Taken song "Panic"; members: Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross, Jon Walker, Spencer Smith.


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Pregnant man Thomas Beatie (Andy Samberg) drops by the news desk to invite Seth and Amy to his baby shower.

Transcript


Walken Family Reunion
Summary: There's lots of monosyllabic conversation to go around when Christopher Walken mingles with his relatives at a bizarre family reunion.


Indoor Gardening Tips from a Man Who's Very Scared of Plants
Summary: A gardening expert (Christopher Walken) can only be at ease around his plants if he can attach googly eyes to them.

Transcript


Top Chef
Summary: An inexperienced chef (Christopher Walken) comes up empty-handed in a cooking challenge that involves couscous, stale Peeps, and other odd ingredients.

Transcript


Panic at the Disco performs "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies”


Larry King Live
Recurring Characters: Larry King, Jimmy Carter.


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Man-Monkey
Summary: A man (Christopher Walken) must hide his man-monkey when unexpected vistors arrive.


Bosnia '96
Summary: In 1996, First Lady Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler), Chelsea Clinton (Casey Wilson), Sheryl Crow (Kristen Wiig), and Sinbad (Kenan Thompson) make a terrorizing trip to Bosnia, where they make their landing amidst a hail of gunfire.

Recurring Characters: Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton.


John McCain
Summary: John McCain (Darrell Hammond) rants about the price of things these days.

Recurring Characters: John McCain.


Big Oil
Summary: A reporter (Fred Armisen) is reduced to tears when his interview with an oil magnate (Jason Sudeikis) doesn't go as planned.



SNL Transcripts