Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 10


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


April 12th, 2008

Ashton Kutcher

Gnarls Barkley

None

Demi Moore

Cameron Diaz

General Petraeus Report on Iraq
Summary: General David Petraeus (Will Forte) reports on proceedings in Iraq, then criticizes the books written by John McCain (Darrell Hammond) and Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler) while praising the one written by Barack Obama (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama.


Montage


Ashton Kutcher's Monologue
Summary: Having recently produced shows like "Punk'd" and "Beauty & The Geek", Ashton Kutcher takes this new role seriously enough to wander backstage to make helpful suggestions to SNL's staff.

First Hosted: 02r.


The Cougar Den
Summary: Older gal pals Deidre Nicks (Amy Poehler), Jacqueline Seka (Kristen Wiig), and Toni Ward (Casey Wilson) comment about their college-aged boyfriends before introducing a fellow cougar, Kiki Deamore (Cameron Diaz), and the young stud (Ashton Kutcher) she keeps within her clutches.

Recurring Characters: Deidre Nicks, Toni Ward, Jacqueline Seka, Kenneth, Kiki Deamore.

Transcript


Outside the Nightclub
Summary: Ashton Kutcher assumes his prominence as a celebrity will get him right into a hip new nightclub, but the bouncer (Kenan Thompson) forces him to wait outside with gawky Oliver (Fred Armisen) while allowing more questionable patrons immediate access.

Recurring Characters: Lyle Kane.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: A video performance of "Daiquiri Girl" by Clementine is supposedly substandard fare only because musical guest Gnarls Barkley backed out of participating in a Digital Short at the last minute.

Transcript


Activia Commercial Shoot
Summary: During a commercial shoot for Activia Yogurt, Jamie Lee Curtis (Kristen Wiig) can't get enough of the product, nor can she stop pooping in her pants because of it.

Transcript


Gnarls Barkley performs "Run"
Bio: members: Cee-Lo Green (Thomas Callaway), Danger Mouse (Brian Burton).


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Travel writer Judy Grimes (Kristen Wiig) counters her nervousness by constantly kidding around; political comedian Nicholas Fehn (Fred Armisen) is unable to finish his thoughts on current events.

Recurring Characters: Nicholas Fehn.


"Amie"
Summary: While in a bar, the sounds of "Amie" on the jukebox spurns memories of unusual life-changing events for four buddies (Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte, Bill Hader, Ashton Kutcher).

Recurring Characters: Buddies.

Transcript


Death By Chocolate
Summary: A chocolate bar (Ashton Kutcher) stabs a homeless bum in the back.

Transcript


The Mellow Show
Summary: Laid-back singer/songwriter Jack Johnson (Andy Samberg) welcomes fellow casuals Dave Matthews (Bill Hader) and John Mayer (Ashton Kutcher) to his talk show.

Recurring Characters: Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews, Boyd Tinsley, John Mayer.


Death By Chocolate II
Summary: A chocolate bar (Ashton Kutcher) shoots a doctor (Jason Sudeikis), then plants the gun on a coma patient before pulling her plugs.

Transcript


Gnarls Barkley performs "Who's Gonna Save My Soul"


Dusty Velvet
Summary: Paraplegic stripper Dusty Velvet (Casey Wilson) relies on assistance from the club emcee (Ashton Kutcher) to perform her erotic moves.

Transcript


Death By Chocolate III
Summary: A chocolate bar (Ashton Kutcher) kills Andy Samberg with a chainsaw in his quick-change booth.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






SNL Transcripts