Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 2

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

September 20th, 2008

James Franco

Kings of Leon


Cameron Diaz

Blake Lively

Kumail Nanjiani

McCain Approves
Summary: John McCain (Darrell Hammond) approves of various semi-truthed Barack Obama negative attack ads.

Recurring Characters: John McCain.



James Franco's Monologue
Summary: New Columbia University freshman James Franco skipped Orientation to host tonight's show, and his Resident Assistant (Jason Sudeikis) demands an explanation.

Bio: James Franco (1978-). Actor; TV work included "Freaks and Geeks" (1999) and the lead role in TV bio-pic "James Dean" (2001); film work includes the role of Harry Osborn in the "Spider-Man" series, and "Pineapple Express" (2008).


The Cougar Den
Summary: Kiki Deamore (Cameron Diaz) shows off her latest boy-toy, an emo musician (James Franco) to pals Deidre Nicks (Amy Poehler), Jacqueline Seka (Kristen Wiig), and Toni Ward (Casey Wilson).

Recurring Characters: Deidre Nicks, Toni Ward, Jacqueline Seka, Kenneth, Kiki Deamore.


Agent 420
Summary: In the absence of legitimate MI6 operatives, pot-smoking Agent 420 (James Franco) attempts to tackle the notoriously-named Dr. Huang (Fred Armisen).


O.J. Simpson Jury Selection
Summary: In an attempt to ensure an unbiased jury pool, O.J. Simpson's (Kenan Thompson) lawyer (Bill Hader) interviews coma victims, aliens, etc.

Recurring Characters: O.J. Simpson.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: While at a party at "Murray Hill", Sean (James Franco) deliberately tells women about his small ding-dong in hopes of impressing them.


The Looker
Summary: In a new police drama on TNT, Penny Marshall (Fred Armisen) plays an interrogator who can get a confession out of suspects by just staring at them intently.


Kings of Leon perform "Sex on Fire"

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Following Lehman Brothers' bankruptcy, financially-strapped CEO Richard Fuld (Jason Sudeikis) wears a barrel. American Apparel CEO Dov Charney (Fred Armisen) is oblivious to his sexual harrassment charges.


New York Times Reporters
Summary: Fifty liberal New York Times reporters are assigned to spend six weeks in Alaska digging up whatever dirt they can find on Sarah Palin, but the uppity group is concerned about minor inconveniences such as polar bears and a lack of Thai delivery food in the Land of the Midnight Sun.


Of Mice and Men
Summary: In an alternate ending to the classic John Steinbeck story, Lennie (Bobby Moynihan) is outraged to discover that George (James Franco) has been sugarcoating reality in order to protect him.


Yankee Stadium Stories
Summary: Martin Scorsese (Fred Armisen) and Rosie Perez (Amy Poehler) recall silly memories of Yankee Stadium.

Recurring Characters: Martin Scorsese, Rosie Perez.


Kings of Leon perform "Use Somebody"

James and Willam Dafoe
Summary: "Spider-man" co-star Willam Dafoe (Bill Hader) orders James Franco to kill Andy Samberg, ostensibly because he's miffed by the SNL performer's goofy impression of him.



SNL Transcripts