Mike: [ caught off guard again ] Yeah, yeah, yeah -- I'm Mike.
Mary: I haven't been totally honest with you. I didn't dump my last boyfriend. He was arrested. It turned out he was a lawyer for drug deals.
Mike: [ with mock surprise ] Oh, my good-ness! That's cra-zy!
Mary: Yes. And, as they dragged him away, the last thing he said was, "Mary, your life is in danger! People are going to be out to get you because of what you know! Don't trust ANYBODY!" [ she smiles ] So, you can imagine how happy I was when a handsome stranger Facebooked me out of nowhere, and asked me to go out on a date in the middle of a lake!
Mike: Yeah. Life is CRAZY like that!
Mary: Yes! It IS crazy like that!
[ music pots up, as she breaks into song ]
"How did I meet this guy?
How did I get so lucky?
Hey, Mr. Perfect Time
I swear he's my knight in shining armour!
He makes me smile, he makes me laugh!
His arms are so strong, he could break me in half!
How did I meet this guy?
How did I get so lucky?"
[ on the other side of the boat, Mike breaks into song as well ]
"I gotta KILL this lady!
Ideally, within the NEXT half-hour!
Then I can drive back home
And catch the end of Monday Night Football
I feel kinda bad, 'cause she seems really nice
But such is the life of a professional hit man!
I gotta KILL this lady!
And then catch Monday Night Football."
[ music fades ]
Mary: Mike? I know it's only our first date, but... I feel like we're soul mates.
Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah -- that's true. That's true. We have many similarities.
"I'm starting to get a bad feeling
That this is a man who's been paid to kill me.
I bet his name isn't Mike
Which is why he's confused when I say Mike.
I should have suspected that something was wrong
When the boat ws chained up and he shot the lock off.
Why did I trust this guy?
Why am I such a dum-my?"
[ music fades ]
Mike: You're right. My name's not Mike.
Mary: How did you know I was thinking that?
Mike: Well, you've been singing out loud.
Mary: So, are -- are you gonna kill me?
Mike: No. I-I-I-I can't do it. I lost my nerve.
Mary: [ smiling ] Is it because we're soul mates?
Mike: No, no, no. I just gotta get out of this lake. I just remembered I can't swim.
Mary: I'll paddle, Mike.
Mike: Well, it's... Darren.
[ music pots up again, as they break into song together ]
[ simultaneously: ]
Mary: "I'm gonna have sex with this guy!"
Mike: "I'm gonna have sex with this girl!"
Together: "How did I get so lucky?"
[ camera pans out to studio wide shot, and fades ]