Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 4















08d: Anne Hathaway / The Killers

An SNL Digital Short

Referee.....Will Forte
.....Andy Samberg
.....Kristen Wiig
.....Kenan Thompson

[open on title screen: "An SNL Digital Short"]

[ SUPER: "EXTREME ACTIVITIES COMPETITION" ]

[ cut to Andy Samberg running around a corner, with SUPER: "ANDY" ]

[ SUPER: "VS" ]

[ cut to Kristen Wiig exercising in an office, with SUPER: "KRISTEN" ]

[ SUPER: "ROUND 1" ]

[ cut to the opponents seated at a table, with SUPER: "ARM WRESTLING" ]

[ the Referee blows his whistle; Andy and Kristen are at first in a deadlock, but then, finally, Andy triumphs for the win, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the Referee blowing his whistle at the center of a court, with SUPER: "WALKING" ]

[ Andy and Kristen each walk in a straight line toward the center, until the Referee blows his whistle in Krstien's favor, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to separate court area, with SUPER: "HAT BALANCE" ]

[ the Referee blows his whistle, as Andy and Kristen each place a hat arop their head and hold their balance; finally, the Referee blows his whistle, with SUPER: "TIE" ]

[ cut to park area, as Referee blows his whistle with SUPER: "SHOE HANDS" ]

[ Andy holds up his hands one at a time, each with a sneaker on the end ]

[ Kristen holds up one hand with a pump on the end, then holds up the other hand with a pineapple on the end ]

[ the Referee blows his whistle in Andy's favor, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to Andy and Kristen relaxing by a fountain, with SUPER: "TEA BREAK" ]

[ cut to Andy and Kristen seated in chairs along a promenade, as the Referee blows his whistle with SUPER: "CHAIR PIN" ]

[ Kristen holds her chair in place, but andy finally falls over as his chair flies into the air ]

[ the Referee blows his whistle in Kristen's favor, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the Referee blowing his whistle, with SUPER: "ACT CASUAL" ]

[ cut to Andy carefully leaning against a tree without actually allowing his hand to touch the tree ]

[ cut to Kristen leaning upon a bench without actually allowing her legs or butt to touch the bench ]

[ the Referee finally blows his whistle in Andy's favor, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the threesome standing in the grass, with SUPER: "LOOK GREAT WEARING STRIPES" ]

[ the Referee blows his whistle, as we cut to see Kristen suddenly wearing green stripes, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the Referee blowing his whistle, with SUPER: "HATE THE REFEREE" ]

[ cut to separate instnaces of Andy and Kristen yelling at the referee, then cut to him yelling at himself while staring into a bathroom mirror, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the threesome standing in a hotel room, with SUPER: "BECOME JANE" ]

[ Kristen snaps her fingers and turns into Jane ]

[ Andy snaps his fingers and also turns into Jane, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the threesome standing in the hall, with SUPER: "HUMAN ATM" ]

[ Andy opens his jacket to reveal a t-shirt with a 3x3 grid of the numbers 1-9, as Kenan Thompson steps up, places his ATM card in Andy's mouth, then withdraws his cash from Andy's butt, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the Referee blowing his whistle, with SUPER: "DO THIS" ]

[ cut to Kristen and Andy bouncing their shoulders up and down ]

[ cut to the threesome standing at a gate, with SUPER: "BECOME A REFEREE IN A DESPERATE BID FOR HUMAN INTERACTION" ]

[ cut to the Referee staring at himself in a bathroom mirror, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to the Referee leaning against an outdoor wall while crying, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to separate instnaces of Andy and Kristen yelling at the referee, then cut to him yelling at himself while staring into a bathroom mirror, with SUPER: "WINNER" ]

[ cut to black ]


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