Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 5













08e: Josh Brolin / Adele

Wahlberg's Confrontation

.....Andy Samberg
.....Mark Wahlberg
.....Amy Poehler
.....Josh Brolin
.....Kenan Thompson




[ open on backstage kitchen area, as Andy Samberg roots through the fridge. He closes the fridge door to reveal Mark Wahlberg standing in wait along the wall. ]

[ Andy screams ]

Mark Wahlberg: Hey, Andy.

Andy Samberg: Ohhhh, Mark Wahlberg! Hi! How are you?

Mark Wahlberg: [ menacingly ] Oh, not so good, Andy. I mean, I saw the last show.

Andy Samberg: You did?

Mark Wahlberg: Yes, I did. And I gotta tell you, I'm very upset about this imitation, the thing with the animals. I mean, what is that?

Andy Samberg: Yeah, it was just a stupid thing we did! It was stupid!

Mark Wahlberg: Well, I gotta be honest with you, buddy -- I've been thinking about breaking that big, beautiful nose of yours.

Andy Samberg: Sure. sure, it's big and beautiful... yeah...

Mark Wahlberg: But, you know what? I decided not to, being the churchgoing guy that I am. But, I mean, it's nothing like me. What was that?

Andy Samberg: I know... I agree with you, and the thing I'd like to say...

[ Amy Poehler walks up ]

Amy Poehler: Hey. How you doing?

Mark Wahlberg: Hey, Amy Poehler! How's it going?

Amy Poehler: Pretty good.

Mark Wahlberg: You're pregnant. What's that all about, huh?

Amy Poehler: [ shrugs ] I don't know.

Mark Wahlberg: Well, it's nice to see you. Say hi to your mother for me.

Amy Poehler: Okay.

[ she walks off ]

Mark Wahlberg: So, Andy -- where were we?

Andy Samberg: Uh -- you were saying my impression was way off.

Mark Wahlberg: Yeah, I mean, look -- I don't get it. It was very inaccurate, you know?

Andy Samberg: Again -- yeah...

[ Josh Brolin walks up ]

Josh Brolin: Hey, Mark!

Mark Wahlberg: Heyyy, Josh Brolin!

Josh Brolin: What's going on?

Mark Wahlberg: How are you doing?

Josh Brolin: I'm good, good!

Mark Wahlberg: You were in the "Goonies" movie, right? [ Brolin nods, confused ] I produce "Entourage"!

Josh Brolin: Yeah, I-I-I know...

Mark Wahlberg: Say hi to your mother for me, alright?

Josh Brolin: Okay. [ turns and exits ]

Mark Wahlberg: And your stepmother.

Andy Samberg: Look, Mark, I-I didn't mean any offense by you. I'm a fan of your movies...

Mark Wahlberg: Whoa, hold on a second. [ he approaches a donkey being held by a rope by a costumed Kenan Thompson ] Hey! Hey, donkey!

Kenan Thompson: What's up, Mark?

Mark Wahlberg: How's it going? You live in a barn, right? I'm in "Max Payne". Have you see that movie? [ the donkey turns itself around ] Okay, donkey. Say hi to your mother for me. [ he returns to Andy ] So... Andy. I'm -- actually, I'm glad we had this talk. I feel better.

Andy Samberg: Good. You know, me, too. [ he grimaces ] "Say hi to your mother for me?"

Mark Wahlberg: [ starts to throw a punch, then stops ] You know what? I'm not gonna go there. [ extends his arms ] Give me a hug. Come on! We're gonna hug it out, bitch!

Andy Samberg: Alright...

[ they hug ]

Mark Wahlberg: I love you.

Andy Samberg: God bless you.

Mark Wahlberg: Never again, okay?

Andy Samberg: Okay.

Mark Wahlberg: Okay!

Andy Samberg: Alright.

[ Andy runs away, flailing ]

[ fade ]


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