Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 10


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:







Bit Players:



December 6th, 2008

John Malkovich

T.I.

None

Jamie-Lynn Sigler

Molly Sims

Justin Timberlake

Swizz Beatz

Jorma Taccone

A Message from the Secretary of State Designate
Summary: Newly-appointed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler) swears she doesn't hold a grudge against Barack Obama for getting to be president.

Note: Amy Poehler returns from maternity leave.

Recurring Characters: Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton.

Transcript


Montage


John Malkovich's Monologue
Summary: John Malkovich reads "The Night Before Christmas" to a group of crew members' children, but keeps interrupting the story to educate them about the real story behind the traditional tale.

First Hosted: 88j.

Transcript


Gas Right
Summary: Bruce Johnson (Fred Armisen), the inventor of Breathe-Right, has stayed up late to create a sequel product that controls the flow of farts between one's butt cheeks.


Shana
Summary: Office workers (Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Kenan Thompson) are enamored by new girl Shana (Kristen Wiig), who possesses great sex appeal until she walks and talks.


Cool Obama
Summary: Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) points out just how cool he is.

Recurring Characters: Barack Obama.

Transcript


La Rivista Della Televisione
Summary: Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews John Malkovich and shows a clip from his sex film "Being Vinny Vedecci".

Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci, crew members.

Transcript


Virgania Horsen's Pony Express
Summary: Virgania Horsen (Kristen Wiig) offers an alternative to traditional mail services that could be under terrorist attack.

Recurring Characters: Virgania Horsen.

Transcript


Twins
Summary: All twin brothers Aiden (John Malkovich) and Paul (Fred Armisen) want for Christmas is a calculator.

Transcript


T.I. performs "Whatever You Like"


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Plaxico Burress (Kenan Thompson) gives gun-carrying tips, then accidentlaly shoots himself again. 9-year old David Rasmussen (Andy Samberg) offers tips on how to meet girls. Boy George (Fred Armisen) doesn't see anything wrong with his recent crime arrest.

Recurring Characters: Boy George.


The Lost Works of Judy Blume
Summary: Awkward teenager Gertie (John Malkovich) harbors a secret she hopes won't be revealed at a slumber party.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg sings about "Jizz In My Pants".

Transcript


T.I. & Swizz Beatz perform "Swing Ya Rag"


J'accuzi
Summary: John Malkovich stars in a version of "Dangerous Liasions" that is set in a jacuzzi.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript





SNL Transcripts