Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 12







08l: Neil Patrick Harris / Taylor Swift

Whopper Virgins

BK Exec....Neil Patrick Harris
Translator....Kristen Wiig
Romanian 1....Fred Armisen
Romanian 2....Michaela Watkins
Romanian 3....Bobby Moynihan

(Opens with shots of rural life in Budesti, Romania)

Caption: Budesti, Romania.

Announcer: What happens if you take Eastern Europeans farmers who have never eaten a burger and ask them to compare a Whopper vs. Big Mac in the world´s purest taste test. This are the Whooper Virgins.

(Rural Romanian farmers are led inside a Burger King headquarters office. A Burger King executive and a translator are in a table with a Romanian man. In front of the Romanian man are two burgers. The Romanian picks up the two burgers up, like he wants to go away with them.)

BK Exec: Sir, put the burgers back on the plate now.

(Romanian talks his native language)

Translator: This food will feed my village for a month.

(Cut to the BK Exec and the translator with a Romanian woman)

BK Exec: So, congratulations on being a Whopper virgin

(Translator translates. Romanian woman answers)

Translator: She´s not a virgin. (Romanian woman explains) It was her uncle.

(Cut to the BK Exec and the translator with another Romanian man. This man is laughing like a maniac and has the burger on his head.)

Romanian 3: Hahahahaha!!!! hahahahaha!!!!

(Cut to the Romanian woman. She can´t pick up the burger, finally she picks it up vertically and eats it that way)

(Cut to the first Romanian. He is pleading with the BK Exec)

Translator: He says he will say whatever you want, just let him bring this food back to his village.

(Cut to the third Romanian dude. He still laughing like a maniac. He is given a large Coke. He cracks up even more and washes a napkin in the Coke)

Romanian 3: Huh? Hahahahahahahaha!!!!hahahahaha!!!!!

(Cut to the Romanian woman afraid of the lettuce and tomato from the burger, slapping the burger away)

(Cut to the first Romanian man. He is crying, sobbing to the BK Exec)

Translator: He says he cannot. His soul is crying for them.

(Cut to Romanian 3)

BK Exec: Now tell him to choose.

(Translator translates to the Romanian. Romanian slaps the burger down like a button.)

Romanian 3: Eeeehh!!! (speaks his language, translator explains to BK Exec)

Translator: American game show.

(Cut to Romanian 1. He explains to the BK Exec in his language)

Translator: I apologize for my behavior. I apologize from my heart. It will never happen again.

(Romanian 1 then takes the burgers and runs out the door)

BK Exec: (gets up) Hey, hey! Pete! Pete!

(Romanian 1 is brought back forcefully, he resists and curses in his language)

Translator: He says you´re the devil. Devil. (Romanian 1 then throws the burgers from the table out the door) He´s telling Yakov to take the burgers. Save yourselves.

(Burger King logo)

Announcer: The Whopper Virgins. Maybe this wasn´t a good idea.

(Cut to Romanian 3 still cracking up like a maniac. Now the translator and the BK Exec both have burgers on their heads)

Romanian 3: Hahahahaha!!!! hahahahahaha!!!!!

(cheers and applause)

(fade)


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel


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