Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 16

08p: Alec Baldwin / Jonas Brothers

An SNL Digital Short

.....Andy Samberg
.....Jonas Brothers
Wizard.....Bill Hader

(Scene opens with Jonas Brothers on a couch backstage. A door opens and Andy comes in.)

Andy Samberg: Well, hello.

Nick Jonas: Hey, Andy.

Kevin Jonas: What's up, Andy?

Andy Samberg: What's up? The jig -- the jig is up.

Joe Jonas: (confused look) What are you talking about?

Andy Samberg: I'm talking about your secret. (Confused looks on the Jonas Brothers' faces) I know what it is. And I have the VHS tape to prove it. (Walks over to put in the tape to find out that there is only a DVD player) Where's you guys' VCR?


Andy Samberg: You turds got anything to say before I play this?

(They also shake their heads)

Nick Jonas: No.

Andy Samberg: Ok. (Puts tape into the VCR)

(Shows a 80's like music video of a band called Property of the Queen. Song title: "Struck by Lightning")

Lead singer (supposedly Joe): (singing) "I got struck.. by lightning And it really hurt! I got struck.. BY LIGHTING!!... And I'm really, really burnt! If you want to know what happened to me, I'll explain it all in depth. I got struck.. by lighting, BUT I'M NOT DEAD!!!!"

(Back to Andy)

Andy Samberg: Those guys looks familiar, wouldn't you say?

Nick Jonas: I don't know what you're talking about, Andy.

Kevin Jonas: No.

Andy Samberg: This tape is from 1983!

Nick Jonas: Crazy.

Andy Samberg: Shall we watch another one?

(Shows another music video by the same band. Song title: "Africa")

(Shows a drummer, then two of the three guitar players (Kevin and Nick). The one on the left turns a gazelle into the other guitar player. Shows two guys playing guitar (Nick and Will Forte). The lead singer doing a one arm pushup.)


(End of music video)

Andy Samberg: That's from 25 years ago.

Nick Jonas: Really holds up.

Andy Samberg: (raises voice) That's not the point!

(Joe makes a sound that shows that he's not impressed)

Andy Samberg: What are you….highlanders?

Nick Jonas: Come on, man!

Andy Samberg: Ok.. let's just watch another one then….just as fans.

(Shows another music video of the same band. Only three of them are present (Kevin, Joe, Nick) Song title: Our Secret. All three of them humming……)

All three of them: (singing) "Everlasting life.."

(Turn their heads and look in the same direction. End of music video)

(Back to Andy)

Andy Samberg: Busted! Just admit it.

Kevin Jonas: None of that stuff proves anything!

Andy Samberg: ONE MORE!

(Last video. Same band. Song title: "Ask the Wizard". Screen shows a wizard)


Band: "Ask the Wizard!"

Lead Singer: "Dark secret that you'll never tell…….."

Band: "Ask the Wizard!"

Lead Singer: " Make a wish and he'll cast a spell….."

Band: "Ask the Wizard!"

Lead Singer: "Gonna rock one day on SNL………"

Band: "Ask the Wizard!"

Lead Singer: "Valentine's Day show 2009!!!!!!!!"

(Screen shows "SNL VALENTINES DAY 2009". Video ends)

(Back to Andy)

(Andy crossing his arms.)

(Quiet moment for four seconds…)

Nick Jonas: How much money do you want?

Joe and Kevin Jonas: (unison) Shut up. Nick!!

Nick Jonas: He knows.. I'm not gonna throw it all away!!

Andy Samberg: I don't want your money…. I just wanna know how you stayed so young?

Kevin Jonas: This guy. (Kevin points to the left and the camera turns to the wizard sitting on the couch)

Wizard: (holding a bottle) What up, dude?

Andy Samberg: How are you?

Wizard: Crazy, right.

(End of skit)

Submitted by: Gracie Kudiwu

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