Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 17

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

March 7th, 2009

Dwayne Johnson

Ray LaMontagne


Richard Dean Anderson

Justin Timberlake

Jessica Biel

John Mulaney

A Message from the Secretary of the Treasury
Summary: Timothy Geithner (Will Forte) invites voters to suggest a better financial plan.



Dwayne Johnson's Monologue
Summary: Dwayne Johnson proves his toughness with a well-choreographed song=and-dance number.

First Hosted: 99o.

Summary: MacGruber's (Will Forte) ego clashes with new guy MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson).

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.


The Rock Obama
Summary: Rahm Emanuel imagines that President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) has the ability to become angry and morph into The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) Obama during a visit from Republican senators.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Rahm Emanuel, Sen. John McCain.


Summary: MacGruber (Will Forte) is mad that dad MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) abandoned him as a child.

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.


Activia Commercial Shoot
Summary: Jamie Lee Curtis (Kristen Wiig) enjoys soiling her pants during an Activia commercial shoot.

Recurring Characters: Jamie Lee Curtis.

Hawaiian Bar
Summary: Hawaiian musicians (Fred Armisen, Dwayne Johnson) mock tourists in search of an authentic island experience.


Summary: MacGruber (Will Forte) swears he'll take a dump on dad MacGyver's (Richard Dean Anderson) ashes after he dies.

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.


Ray LaMontagne performs "You Are The Best Thing"

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Republican Party President Michael Steele (Kenan Thompson) makes excuses for having apologized to Rush Limbaugh. Comics page character Cathy (Andy Samberg) acks when her husband Irving (Justin Timberlake) runs off with Jessica Rabbit (Jessica Biel). Jon Bovi (Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte) feel no shame in being a Bon Jovi Opposite Band.

Recurring Characters: Cathy, Jon Bovi.

Game Time With Dave And Greg
Summary: Dave Delmonte's (Dwayne Johnson) efforts to convince callers that co-host Greg (Bill Hader) is not an alien prove to be fruitless.


Apprentice Commercial Shoot
Summary: Donald Trump (Darrell Hammond) promotes his latest incarnation of "Celebrity Apprentice".

Recurring Characters: Donald Trump, Tom Green, Joan Rivers.

Ray LaMontagne performs "Trouble"

Lighthouse Date
Summary: A guy (Dwayne Johnson) who lives in a lighthouse turns down the lights to woo a date (Kristen Wiig) and leaves sea-faring individuals stranded on the rocks below.



SNL Transcripts