Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 17

08q: Dwayne Johnson / Ray LaMontagne

The Rock Obama

President Barack Obama.....Fred Armisen
Rahm Emanuel.....Andy Samberg
Sen. John McCain.....Darrell Hammond
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison.....Kristen Wiig
Sen. Tom Coburn.....Will Forte
The Rock Obama.....Dwayne Johnson

[ open on exterior, White House front ]

[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office ]

President Barack Obama: So! Who do we have coming in today, Rahm?

Rahm Emanuel: Senators McCain, Hutchinson, and Coburn, Mr. President. They're representing the Republicans, who are blocking OUR spending bill for being too "pork-filled"!

President Barack Obama: Now, uh... calm down, Rahm.

Rahm Emanuel: If I may, Mr. President: I sometimes think you're too calm. You need to get angry!

President Barack Obama: Yeah, getting angry is your game, Rahm. Send them in.

[ Emanuel opens the office door and lets the senators in ]

President Barack Obama: Senators! Thank you for coming in.

[ the three senators sit perpendicular to Obama on a couch ]

Sen. John McCain: Thank you, Mr. President.

President Barack Obama: Now, uh -- I brought you here because it's important we get this... omnibus bill passed.

Sen. Tom Coburn: Yeah, but, With all due respect... we know it's important, Mr. President. But we have to draw the line somewhere. I mean, we, we can't let American drift into Socialism!

[ Obama holds a stern look on his face ]

Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] Get angry!

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: And, uh -- [ she laughs nervously ] not to get critical, but you have been President almost seven weeks. Isn't it about time you fixed the economy? [ she chuckles ]

[ eerie music plays, as Obama begins to blink his eyes rapidly ]

Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] That's it! Get angry!

Sen. John McCain: [ mockingly ] Mr. President, while the policies of the previous administration may have had somthing to do with this crisis... it's YOUR responsibility now!

[ Obama rubs his temple in frustration ]

Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] Yes! Get mad! GET MAD!!

Sen. John McCain: And, my friend... I'm starting to think you may not be up to it!

[ Obama begins to shake violently ]

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Mr. President! Are you okay?!

[ cut to pre-filmed close-up footage of Obama bursting through his clothes, a la The Incredible Hulk ]

[ reveal that a muscular Obama with torn clothing is now being played by Dwayne Johnson, who screams ]

[ the senators react with terror ]

Sen. Tom Coburn: Oh, my God! What happened?!

Rahm Emanuel: [ smugly ] What happened was... you made Barack Obama angry! And when you make Barack Obama angry, he turns into... The Rock Obama!

[ title card appears over Obama ]

Sen. Tom Coburn: The Rock Obama?

The Rock Obama: [ clears his throat ] Now, uh... don't be alarmed. The Rock Obama, much like, uh... Barack Obama. Only stronger, and, uh... more impulsive. Now! Where were we? [ he points to the cowering Coburn ] Little man in suit.

Sen. Tom Coburn: [ nerves shattered ] Uh -- uh -- yes, well -- uh -- uh -- I guess what I, what I was just saying was there is, you know, some special projects in this bill that just don't... smell... right to me.

The Rock Obama: Hmm. Is interesting point, but, uh... me no like!

[ Obama springs to his feet and grabs Coburn by the scruff of his neck ]

Sen. Tom Coburn: Whoa-oa! What's going on?!

[ Obama flings Coburn through the plate glass window ]

[ Emanuel smiles enthusiastically ]

The Rock Obama: Okay! Up next. [ points to Hutchison ] Lady?

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: [ gasping for breath ] Sorry, I'm a little nervous.

The Rock Obama: [ grins sheepishly ] Don't be nervous. Uhhh... just be nice.

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Well, uh... well, I understand your desire to pass this bill -- quickly.

The Rock Obama: [ bored, he stands ] Hmmmm... uh, up.

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Okay. [ she rises ]

The Rock Obama: Uh, turn.

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: [ scared ] Yes. [ she turns, and he scoops her up in his arms ] Nooooo!!!

[ Obama drops her out of the window ]

Sen. John McCain: [ whispering ] Rahm! Do something!

Rahm Emanuel: It's the first floor. Don't worry about it.

The Rock Obama: Okay. Uh -- old man? Uhhhhh -- you go now!

[ suddenly, the phone rings. Obama picks up ]

The Rock Obama: Hello? -- Ah huh? -- AIG needs more money? -- Ah ha. -- Forty billion? -- Ah ha. -- Well, uh, you listen to this: [ he smashes the receiver into the phone, breaking it into thousands of pieces ] Now, uh -- where were we?

Sen. John McCain: Uhhhh... [ chuckling nervously ] I was just saying that you're not going to have... any... more problems from me!

The Rock Obama: Ahhh! Is good!

Sen. John McCain: Can I show myself out?

The Rock Obama: Yes! Out window!

Sen. John McCain: [ to Emanuel ] Is he joking?

Rahm Emanuel: Nope! See you later... my friend!

[ McCain sits on the ledge, then drops himself backwards through the window ]

[ the image dissolves to reveal itself as a dream sequence ]

[ Obama shakes Emanuel awake from the dream ]

President Barack Obama: Rahm? Rahm? Rahm! Rahm, wake up!

Rahm Emanuel: [ groggily ] Wha..?

President Barack Obama: You dozed off, Rahm.

Rahm Emanuel: Oh. Sorry, Mr. President. I was having the most wonderful dream!

President Barack Obama: Well, now it's back to work. Who's up next?

Rahm Emanuel: Senators McCain, Hutchinson, and Coburn. Will you please get angry?

President Barack Obama: Nope!

Rahm Emanuel: Please?

President Barack Obama: Nope!

Rahm Emanuel: Is this getting you angry?

President Barack Obama: Nope!

[ cut to exterior, White House front ]

[ fade ]

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