Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 18










08r: Tracy Morgan / Kelly Clarkson

Tracy Returns

.....Tracy Morgan
Security.....Emily Spivey
Page.....Simon Rich
Guard.....John Cena
.....Tina Fey

[ open on exterior, 30 Rockefeller Center, night ]

Tracy Morgan: Rockefeller Center on a Saturday night -- there's nothing like it in the world! You can just FEEL the energy crackling as you come through the door! This is where TV lives and breathes! Twelve years ago, I came here a puppy -- I left, A MAN!! Now, I'm back again! Wiser, still! Yet, in all my adventures, all my travels... I've learned something: this building? This building is MY HOME!!

[ cut to Tracy at the Secueity desk ]

Security: Sir, you don't have any I.D.?

Tracy Morgan: Listen! I'm Tracy Morgan!

Security: [ unimpressed ] Do you have anything on your person that says that?

Tracy Morgan: How about my FACE?! That's on my person!

Security: I'm sorry. Can you just have someone call down?

Tracy Morgan: I've worked too hard to get here to have someone call down for me!

[ she gives him a stunned look; he returns the gaze, then turns so he can storm into the elevator. The sight of two male guard blocking the entrance stops him in his tracks, but Tracy cracks his knuckes and crinkles his brow and makes a run for them, although neither of them realize Tracy is coming ]

[ to his buddy ] If you pay me, I'll do your taxes, man. Just ask me.

[ Tracy appears and coldcocks both men, then runs through the turnstile and into a closing elevator door ]

Man: [ impressed ] Hey... you're Tracy Morgan!

[ Tracy turns to coldcock the man ]

Woman: What are you doing...?

[ Tracy coldcocks her as well ]

[ the elevator opens on Floor 8, as Tracy storms down the hall ]

Page: [ smiling ] Hey, Tracy!

Tracy Morgan: I'm not the Jordan you're lookin' for!

Page: What's that?

[ Tracy coldcocks the page in slo-mo, then storms into the main hall ]

[ a Guard waits at the end of the hall, outside the doors to the studio ]

[ slo-mo close-ups as the two men acknowledge one another's mighty presence ]

Guard: Come ooooooonnnnnn!!!

[ Tracy screams, then runs slo-mo with his foot pointed in front of him, the Guard taunting him every inch of the way ]

[ back to reality: Tracy appears right in front of the Guard ]

Guard: [ with a handshake and a smile ] Welcome back, Tracy!

[ Tracy coldcocks the Guard, then rushes into the studio ]

[ as he runs down an inner corridor, Tina Fey emerges from behind the back of a setpiece ]

Tina Fey: Tracy! There you are!

[ Tracy screams ]

Tina Fey: Tracy! It's me, Tina! It's okay. We used to work together, like, all the time?

Tracy Morgan: [ coming back to him ] Tina?

Tina Fey: Yeah.

[ Tracy coldcocks Tina ]

Tracy Morgan: "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Niiiight!!"


SNL Transcripts