Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 1












09a: Megan Fox / U2

Bladdivan

Employee.....Fred Armisen
Co-worker.....Will Forte
Testimonial #1.....Bill Hader
Testimonial #2.....Jason Sudeikis

[ open on men's room, businessmen scattering about the urinals ]

[ Employee stands before a urinal trying to pee in solace, as his co-worker steps forward and wraps an arm around his shoulder ]

Co-worker: Hey, buddy! I need to get those sales numbers from you.

Announcer: Are you one of the tens of thousands of men who suffer from Shy Bladder Syndrome?

[ Employee nods ]

Announcer: Well, what do you have to be afraid of? Ask your doctor if Bladdivan is right for you.

[ reveal product slide ]

[ dissolve to Testimonial #1 ]

Testimonial #1: My bladder was so shy that I had to hide in the janitor's closet with an empty bottle every time I needed to make "water"! Thanks to Bladdivan... [ cue sprinkling sound effect ] I'm peeing right now!

Announcer: Bladdivan is a combination of several drugs, a powerful diaretic, coupled with a cocktail of anti-anxiety medications.

[ dissolve to Testimonial #2 ]

Testimonial #2: Oh, sure, I've heard about the side effects. But, for me, it's worth it. Before I -- [ cue sprinkling sound effect ] Oh! Oh! Oh! [ he chuckles ] I just peed! And I do not care! [ he chuckles ] Still going... and we're done -- no! [ sound effect stops ] Now!

[ show footage of Testimonial #2 spraying his wife and kids with a Super soaker squirt gun ]

Announcer: So, go ahead -- urinate on your terms. Common side effects associated with Bladdivan include: Peeing yourself... and Peeing yourself and not really caring that you just peed yourself.

[ cut back to co-workers walking down the hall, stopping in front of the men's room ]

Announcer: So say goodbye to chrnoic Shy Bladder Syndrome -- with Bladdivan.

[ Co-worker stops in front an the one empty urinal in the crowded men's room ]

[ Employee enters, sees no available slots, but winks at the camera before squeezing in next to ?? ]

Employee: Now, uh -- about those figures..?

Co-worker: [ glances downward ] Very impressive!

[ they laugh and turn to smile into the camera ]

[ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Don't be shy. Ask your doctor about Bladdivan today.

[ fade ]


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