Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 1



09a: Megan Fox / U2

Megan Fox's Monologue

.....Megan Fox
Male Audience Member.....Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Megan Fox!

Megan Fox: Thank you! Thank you, thank you. It is -- it is so amazing to be here hosting the season premiere of "Saturday Night Live", and it is so cool to be here. It feels like I'm in a dream. And, based on the way they dressed me, I guess it's a 13-year-old boy's dream.

Some of you may know me from the "Transformers" movies, and -- [ applause ] and some of you may know me from TV. But -- [ she laughs ] most of you probably know me from naked pictures on the internet. [ the audience whistles ] There are a lot of those out there, which is weird because I don't remember ever posing nude. But, I mean, I must have because how else could they exist, right? Like this one.

[ reveal obviously fake photo posted in front of a monster truck ]

Megan Fox: This is me at a monster truck rally. I don't remember going to a monster truck rally, or taking off my clothes -- but that's definitely me. It's interesting to see nude pictures of yourself because it gives you an honest sense of how you look. Like in this next picture, my head is just way, way too big for my body.

[ reveal fake photo ]

Megan Fox: And other times, way too small.

[ reveal fake photo ]

Megan Fox: And, also, sometimes --

Male Audience Member: Excuse me! Miss Fox?

Megan Fox: Oh, there is a question?

Male Audience Member: Yeah. hi, Megan. I've seen a lot of those online pictures because I'm, uh, "interested in computers". In fact, I've seen thousands. And, uh, some of them look like they might be fake.

Megan Fox: No, of course they're real. They're on the internet, so --

Male Audience Member: Oh! What a relief! Okay. In that case, would you sign this? It's kind of my favorite?

Megan Fox: Sure.

[ he brings up another fake photo, blown up to poster-sized ]

Male Audience Member: Here you go. I blew it up to poster size on my home scanner.

Megan Fox: Well, I really don't remember taking that one.

Male Audience Member: Probably the, uh -- the paparazzi, right?

Megan Fox: Right.

[ he laughs heartily, as Fox high-fives him ]

Male Audience Member: [ staring at his hand ] Wow. Thank you.

[ he returns to his seat ]

Megan Fox: It's the least I could do. Uh -- we have a great show. U2 is here. [ cheers and applause ] Here's a picture of them.

[ reveal fake photo ]

Megan Fox: So stick around, and we will be right back.


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