Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 2

09b: Ryan Reynolds / Lady Gaga


.....Lady Gaga
.....Adny Samberg
.....Kristen Wiig
.....Lorne Michaels


LADY GAGA, wearing an extravagant outfit of clear balloons, reads a copy of ďRolling StoneĒ with her on the cover, leaning against a desk. A STUDIO PAGE is seated right behind her.

Lady Gaga: Cute.

ANDY SAMBERG, strolls in, wearing a similar outfit made of balloons. He approaches the page.

Andy Samberg: Hey Fred, did that fruit come in?

Page: Yeah, Iíll go get it.

The page departs. Andy exhales as he saunters over to Gaga. He scans her outfit.

Andy Samberg: Oh no.

Both view their outfits.

Lady Gaga: No way.

Andy Samberg: This is weird.

Lady Gaga: I canít believe it! I spent $20,000 on this dress.

Andy Samberg: Yeah! And I made this out of garbage.

Both nervously laugh


Andy Samberg: Well, I guess Iíll go change.

Lady Gaga: No, wait. Andy, I think it looks really great good on you.

Andy Samberg: Really?

Lady Gaga: Really.

Andy Samberg: I guess great minds do think alike.

Both turn and face the ground. ROMANTIC MUSIC cues in. A lighted backdrop of red stars forms behind both of them.

Lady Gaga: Kiss me, Andy.

Both plunge towards one another to lock lips. The outer mass of the balloons prevents them from kissing. Both struggle to meet at the lips. Both pull back.

Andy Samberg: We canít do this.

Lady Gaga: Why? Are you married?

Andy Samberg: No. I mean I canít do this. I physically canít reach you.

Lady Gaga: Prove it.

Both launch onto each other, still unable able to kiss. They struggle for a moment or two, and then pull back.

Andy Samberg: Damn it, Gaga! Just marry me.

Lady Gaga: Fine. Under one conditionÖ

Andy Samberg: Anything.

Lady Gaga: I want a divorce.

Andy Samberg: You cagey son-of-a-bitch!

Gaga gasps and slaps Andy. Both try to make out, but fail.

The CAMERA PANS over to KRISTEN WIIG and LORNE MICHAELS watching the events unfold.

Kristen Wiig: I guess I got to find something else to wear to the party.

Lorne Michaels: YeahÖ me too.

Kristen and Lorne glance onto Lorneís necktie. Itís covered in miniature clear balloons.


Submitted by: Cody Downs

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