Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 3


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:



October 10th, 2009

Drew Barrymore

Regina Spektor

None

Justin Long

John Lutz

A Message From the President of the United States
Summary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) gloats about winning this year's Nobel Peace Prize.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

Transcript


Montage


Drew Barrymore's Monologue
Summary: After breaking the record for most times a woman has hosted the show, Drew Barrymore presents vintage clips of her prestigious acting family in action.

Transcript


Gilly
Summary: Gilly (Kristen Wiig) and foreign exchange student Gigli (Drew Barrymore) wreak multicultural havoc in the classroom.

Recurring Characters: Gilly, Mr. Dillon, Sam Jeffers, Liam.

Transcript


Celebrity Ghost Stories
Summary: Various lowball celebrities recall ghost sightings.

Recurring Characters: Billy Bob Thornton, Sharon Osbourne.


University of Westfield
Summary: Academically-challenged and/or lazy people can now acquire a degree from a prestigious university, as long as they don't tell anyone about it.

Transcript


La Rivista Della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci
Summary: Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews Drew Barrymore about her directorial debut.

Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci, crew members, Vinny's son.

Transcript


Regina Spektor performs "Eet"


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: James Carville (Bill Hader) comments on Republican opposition to President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize win. Scrooge McDuck (Andy Samberg) comments on the rising value of gold. Maya Angelou (Kenan Thompson) recites poetry to counter death rumors.

Recurring Characters: James Carville, Maya Angelou.


Tampax to the Max Tournament of Champions 1991
Summary: Commentators Pete Twinkle (Jason Sudeikis) and Greg Stink (Will Forte) keep the tampon sponsorship flowing in lieu of focusing on billiards match between Greta Milwaukee (Kristen Wiig) and Nina Wilkes Booth (Drew Barrymore).


Cooking Al Fresco
Summary: Rooftop cooking by co-hosts Fran Jones (Drew Barrymore) and Phil O'Brien (Andy Samberg) is interrupted by a flock of bread-hungry birds.

Recurring Characters: Guy Fieri.

Transcript


Larry King Live
Summary: Larry King (Fred Armisen) discusses celebrity weiner dos and donts with a panel of experts.

Recurring Characters: Larry King.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Brenda (Drew Barrymore) and Shaun (Drew Barrymore) will provide entertainment any time at any place.

Transcript


Regina Spektor performs "The Calculation"


Debbie Turner Book Signing
Summary: At a book signing, Debbie Turner (Drew Barrymore) reads her book based on a troubled romantic relationship with the manipulative Hamilton (Will Forte), who then shows up begging her to come back to him.

Summary: Hamilton.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Polanski Petition
Summary: Filmmakers try to decide what to do about Roman Polanski.



SNL Transcripts