Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 4


This free script provided by http://javascriptkit.com










Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:



Bit Players:



October 17th, 2009

Gerard Butler

Shakira

None

Dwayne Johnson

James Franco

None

The Rock Obama
Summary: While discussing health care reform with Republican senators, President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) once again becomes angry and morphs into The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) Obama.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Joe Biden.

Transcript


Montage
Note: Tonight's episode was sole-sponsored by Bud Light Golden Wheat, with clips of dress rehearsals past aired in place of their own commercials.


Gerard Butler's Monologue
Summary: While attempting to sing a sensitive ballad from "Phantom of the Opera", Gerard Butler is accosted by several warriors, ninjas, and a dagger-weilding Christine (Kristen Wiig).

Transcript


Fuquay Satin's Grand Hoochie Skank Rose
Summary: (Kenan Thompson) promotes the ideal urban champagne for pouring down women's asses.

Transcript


SNL Backstage with Bud Light Golden Wheat I
Note: The cast cracks up during a dress rehearsal clip from "Riding My Donkey Political Talk Show" on 02/14/98.


Game Time With Randy And Greg
Summary: Randy Dukes' (Kenan Thompson) efforts to convince callers that co-host Greg (Bill Hader) is not an alien prove to be fruitless.

Recurring Characters: Greg.


SNL Backstage with Bud Light Golden Wheat II
Note: Chris Rock cracks up during a dress rehearsal clip from "Perspectives" on 11/02/96.


Beauty and the Beast
Summary: While singing their duet, Belle (Kristen Wiig) and the Beast (Gerard Butler) express confusion over which one is actually the beast, because he's into a woman with a bigger ass.

Transcript


SNL Backstage with Bud Light Golden Wheat III
Note: Harvey Kietel cracks up during a dress rehearsal clip from "Casino" on 01/16/93.


Shakira performs "She Wolf"
Lyrics


SNL Backstage with Bud Light Golden Wheat IV
Note: Bill Hader cracks up during a dress rehearsal clip from "Scared Straight" on 05/10/08.


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Two Gay Guys from New Jersey who are in the Military (Bill Hader, Fred Armisen) comment on the now-defunct "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. The balloon from Colorado drops by to say hi to Seth Meyers. Gerard Butler speaks directly to his family back in Scotland, as Seth Meyers translates. PGAD Sufferer Tamara Parks (Kristen Wiig) involuntarily orgasms several times while discussing her medical malady.

Recurring Characters: Two Gay Guys from New Jersey.


SNL Backstage with Bud Light Golden Wheat V
Note: Amy Poehler cracks up during dress rehearsal clips from "Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers" on 09/17/09, 09/29/07, and 04/21/07.


300
Summary: King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) agrees to lift Sparta's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, but is surprised to discover that all of his gladiators are gay.

Transcript


SNL Backstage with Bud Light Golden Wheat VI
Note: The cast cracks up during a dress rehearsal clip from "Jeffrey's" on 02/17/01.


What Up With That?
Summary: D'Andre Cole (Kenan Thompson) ignores his guests so he sing his self-indulgent theme song throughout the entire show.

Transcript


SNL Backstage with Bud Light Golden Wheat VII
Note: A robot has trouble crashing through a breakaway wall during a dress rehearsal clip from "Robot Dinner" on 11/18/95.


Cottage Cheese Pitch
Summary: As adman Thomas (Gerard Butler) pitches a campaign to a client (Jason Sudeikis), his annoying secretary, Trina (Kristen Wiig), repeatedly interrupts and calls his name.

Recurring Characters: Trina.


Shakira performs "Did It Again"


Daveheart
Summary: Braveheart's younger brother (Gerard Butler) is an extreme coward.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

An SNL Digital Short
Summary: "Traveling with P.J.": P.J. (Kristen Wiig) travels solo to New York City.


Graveyard
Summary: Spokesman (Bobby Moynihan) advertises headstones for people with severe health problems.


Clair Butler
Summary: Gerard Butler receives a surprise visit from his sister Claire (Fred Armisen).


Trick or Treat
Summary: Registered sex offender Jeff Montgomery (Will Forte) makes a clumsy introduction while trick-or-treating at his neighbors' (Jason Sudeikis, James Franco) house.

Recurring Characters: Jeff Montgomery.



SNL Transcripts