Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 5


















09e: Taylor Swift

Bunny Business

Shakira.....Taylor Swift
Randy Newman.....Fred Armisen
Christina Aguilera.....Abby Elliott
Announcer/Eddie Vedder.....Bill Hader
Adam Duritz.....Andy Samberg
Jennifer Hudson.....Kenan Thompson
Natalie Merchant.....Kristen Wiig

FADE IN:

[ A pastel colored screen. ]

[ SUPER: THIS FALL ]

Announcer: This fall, there’s only one movie that has kids hopping for joy!

[ SUPER: ONE MOVIE HAS KIDS HOPPING FOR JOY! ]

Announcer: “Bunny Business”!

[ TITLE: BUNNY BUSINESS ]

Announcer: The story of a couple of bunnies with a lot of ambition.

[ MEDIOCRE COMPUTER ANIMATION OF BUNNIES IN BUSINESS SUITS IN AN OFFICE COMPLEX. ]

Announcer: Before you see the movie, buy the soundtrack!

[ COVER ART OF THE “BUNNY BUSINESS” SOUNDTRACK ]

[ SUPER: BUY THE SOUNDTRACK! ]

Announcer: Featuring an original song by Randy Newman!

[ RANDY NEWMAN plays on a grand black piano. ]

[ SUPER: RANDY NEWMAN, “THEME FROM BUNNY BUSINESS” ]

Randy Newman: [singing]
“Bunnies wearing suits,
Bunnies sending faxes,
Got a bunny briefcase,
Bunny business!”

[ MORE BUNNY ANIMATION ]

Announcer: These bunnies have a nose for business and a “tail” for the ages. And now you can own the soundtrack, featuring a brand new song by Natalie Merchant!

[ INSTRUMENTAL: “THESE ARE THE DAYS” ]

[ NATALIE MERCHANT stands at a microphone. ]

[ SUPER: NATALIE MERCHANT, “OFFICE BUNNIES” ]

Natalie Merchant: [singing]
“These are bunnies,
Carrying a briefcase,
Never before have bunnies before,
Worked in an office”

[ Natalie twitches her body in rhythm to the song. ]

[ SCROLL: U2, PETER GABRIEL, PHIL COLLINS, SMASH MOUTH, NELLY FURTADO, TOTO, FLO RIDA, KATY PERRY, MC HAMMER, AND SHAKIRA! ]

Announcer: And that’s not all! “Bunny Business” features over 30 original songs, from some of the world’s most successful singers! Including Shakira!

[ INSTRUMENTAL: “SHE WOLF” ]

[ SHAKIRA scans the area in a black one-piece. ]

[ SUPER: SHAKIRA, “BUNNY HIPS DON’T LIE” ]

Shakira: [singing]
“So many bunnies on the floor tonight,
Hopping and shaking their bunny hips,
There's a she bunny in all of us,
Ohhhhh!!
Jump on the dance floor don't be shy,
Wear pant suits and send a fax,
Bunny girls jump on your bunny boys
Ohhhhh whooo!!!”

[ Shakira grinds her body. ]

Announcer: The “Bunny Business” soundtrack! And when you hear animated bunnies, you immediately think of Adam Duritz from The Counting Crows!

[ INSTRUMENTAL: “MR. JONES” ]

[ ADAM DURITZ stands at a microphone. ]

[ SUPER: ADAM DURITZ, “BAD BUNNY THEME” ]

Adam Duritz: [singing]:
“Bunny Business song
Tra-la-la-la,
Bunnies in pantsuits, And Mr. Jones!”

[ Adam flashes the peace sign. ]

Announcer: Kids love bunnies in pant suits, but they love Eddie Vedder and Christina Aguilera even more!

[ INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC ]

[ CHRISTINA AGUILERA & EDDIE VEDDER stand at a microphone. ]

[ SUPER: CHRISTINA AGUILERA & EDDIE VEDDER, “THE BUNNY MERGER WENT THROUGH” ]

[ Christina warbles at the top of her lungs, then Eddie mutters incoherent lyrics. ]

Announcer: Didn’t enjoy previewing “Bunny Business”! Who cares!? We never even finished the movie! We were too busy enjoying this instant classic by Jennifer Hudson!

[ INSTRUMENTAL: “AND I’M TELLING YOU I’M NOT GOING” ]

[ JENNIFER HUDSON is dressed in a black evening gown. ]

[ SUPER: JENNIFER HUDSON, “AND I’M TELLING YOU (YOU’RE A BUNNY)” ]

Jennifer Hudson: [singing]
“No, no, no, no way
No, no, no, no way
They’re not really wearing pant suits,
It’s a whole big mess,
Of honky bunny business!”

[ Jennifer points to several areas. ]

Jennifer Hudson: [singing]
“And you, and you, and you,
You’re going to pay me…
For this soundtrack…
You’re going to pay me…
Money!”

Announcer: The “Bunny Business” soundtrack. Even if you buy it, our careers are over!


Submitted by: Cody Downs


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