Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 5

09e: Taylor Swift


Lexie.....Nasim Pedrad
Bennett.....Andy Samberg
Anna.....Taylor Swift

Lexie: Honey, you sure you donít mind staying in tonight?

Bennett: Hey, it doesnít matter where we are, Lexi, as long as we are together.

Lexie: EWW, Bennet! Thatís the worst!

Bennett: I know Iím adorable right?

Lexie: Yes. You still wanna watch Master and Commander?

Bennett: Yeah, or we could play Master and Commander!

Lexie: BENNET! Stop it.

Bennett: Oh no. Is that your roommate?

Lexie: Yeeah. *gasp* ANNA!!!

Anna: Lexi, Iím back!


Lexie: Youíre my everything!

Bennett: wow.. Have you been out of town or something?

Lexie: Nooo sheís been at work. At her part time job at Bath and Body Works!

Anna: For TWO HOURS!!

TOGETHER: Oh I missed you! I love you soo much! Youíre everything to me I missed you!

Lexie: Bath and Body Works is THE worst!

Anna: So is being away from you!

Lexie: BENNET!! Look whose here!

Bennett: Hi Anna.

Anna: BENNNNEEETT!!! What are we watching?

Lexie: Master and Commander, but not until you get in your jammies!


Lexie: Ohkay hurry.. hurry!

Anna: Okay I will.

Lexie: Oh wait donít go!

Anna: I have to.

Lexie:Donít go yet. donít go donít go donít go NOOO! Isnít she cool?

Bennett:Sheís ah- sheís definitely cool. Have you thought any more about getting your own place?

Lexie: Yeah kindaÖ [ cell phone rings ] Oh my god Iím sorry Iím so sorry. Iím gunna have to take this. Hello? Hi! How are you? Wha- What happened? OH Iím just sitting here. Itís Anna. Yeah heís still here.

Bennett: Sheís calling you from the other room?

Lexie: Shhhh. Iím sorry Hun what did you say? Aww I miss you too! Are you in your jammies yet? Well then come on out then. Oh ah- hahaha then see you soon! That was Anna.

Bennett: Yeah I know. Hey do you wanna go hang at my place?

Lexie: Oh I dunno. Anna just got here and I donít think sheís gunna wanna go out.

Anna: Look I brought snacks!

Lexie: Snacks for my tummy!! Give it here. Give it here!

Anna: Do you want some blanket?

Lexie: Thank you!! awwwwwww

Anna: HEEY BENNETTT! Do you want some blanket!?

Bennett: Iím Okay

Anna:BENNNEEET!! I missed you!

Lexie:I missed you too! Quit your job!

Anna:I want to so bad!

Lexie: Youíre the only person I wanna hang out with! Hey I was gunna tell you somethingÖ

Anna: *GASP* Hay is for horses and chicken and fish.

Lexie: Hit me three times and ill grant you a wish!

TOGETHER: 3,2,1, BAArak- aback-abak-abak-abak-abak-abak (x4)BARRAK OBAMA!! Burrrrr..

Anna:Does he get it? Hey Bennet? Do you get it?

Lexie: *GASP* Hay is for horses and chicken and fish!

TOGETHER: Hit me three times and I'll TRIPLE your wish. 3,2,1 BAArak- aback-abak-abak-abak-abak-abak-

Bennett: Guys. GUYS! Look your inside jokes are really cute and everything but I dunno I thought tonight was gunna be just about us hangin out.

Lexie: Thatís weird.

Anna:N-no I get it. I guess um- I guess Iíll just head back to my room now.

Lexie: [ grabbing Anna's leg ] no. No. Noo. NOo. NOO. NOOo. NOOO. NOOOO. NOOOOOOOOO

Bennett: Whatís wrong?

Lexie: Nothing. Sheís just like a really great person.

Bennett: You wanna hang out with Anna donít you?

Lexie: Oh- umm no Iím totally fine withÖ this.

Bennett: Look if it really means that much to you-

Lexie:Great. HEY ANNA!

Anna:Hay is for horses and chicken and fish.

TOGETHER: BAArak- aback-abak-abak-abak-abak-abak. BAArak- aback-abak-abak-abak-abak-abak. BAArak- aback-abak-abak-abak-abak-abak. BAArak- aback-abak-abak-abak-abak-abak.

Submitted by: Nikki Daoust

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