Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 5












09e: Taylor Swift

Carter N' Sons BBQ

Ronnie Carter.....Bobby Moynihan
Father.....Fred Armisen
Mother.....Nasim Pedrad
Male Diner.....Andy Samberg
Elvis Impersonator.....Jason Sudeikis

[ open on disclaimer ]

Announcer: "The following commercial was filmed in 2002 before the outbreak of the Swine Flu virus"

[ dissolve to commercial ]

Ronnie Carter: Hi! I'm Ronnie Carter! Come on down to Carter N' Sons, where, one taste of our signature pulled pork barbecue, and you'll have...

Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!

Ronnie Carter: YEEEEE-HAWWWWW!!!

[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]

Announcer: The management of Carter N' Sons would like to clarify that "Swine Fever" is not related to the H1N1 Virus, or "Swine Flu".

[ Ronnie Carter approaches a family dining in his restaurant ]

Ronnie Carter: Howdy, folks! Enjoying your meal?

Father: Enjoying it? Heck, I got Swine Fever!

Mother: I got it!

Kids: WE got it!!

Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!

Ronnie Carter: THIS Swine Fever is CONTAGIOUS!

[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]

Announcer: "Swine Fever" is a metaphor meant to symbolize a craving for Carter N' Songs Barbecue. It was created for an ad campaign several years ago, well before the "Swine Flu" or H1N1 epidemic.

[ cut to Male Diner eating at table ]

Male Diner: My doctor said this Swine Fever's gonna be the death of me!

[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]

Announcer: "Swine Fever" is not contagious and not even a medically classifiable disease.

Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!

[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]

Announcer: We promised to shoot a new commercial soon but we didn't have the money because business has been way down due to the confusion about "Swine Fever".

[ cut to Elvis impersonator holding up a rib ]

Elvis Impersonator: I got Swine Fever, and I gots it bad! Thank you! Thank you very much!

Ronnie Carter: One taste of Carter N' Sons, and you're GUARANTEED to leave with...

Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!

Ronnie Carter: And the only cure for Swine Fever is... MORE BARBECUE!! [ he wipes the sweat from his brow ] Hoo-wee! I hope we have enough!

[ cut to barbecue plate ]

Ronnie Carter V/O: And don't forget to try our special Sausage And Ribs Sampler!

[ new disclaimer appears over this part of the commercial ]

Announcer: We recognize that this spells S.A.R.S. We regret the coincidence.

[ cut back to Ronnie Carter laughing ]

Ronnie Carter: I'll see you there!

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts