Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 7














09g: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Dave Matthews Band

Palin 2012

[ card: "An SNL Movie Trailer Re-Cut" ]

[ a montage of ominous graphic images from "2012" ]

ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE

WE WERE WARNED...

THIS DAY WOULD COME

[ cut to Brian Williams delivering the Nightly News, with "Decision 2012" graphic ]

Brian Williams: Good evening, from Capitol Hill...

[ people stand before a chasm in the street ]

[ on TV, police control riots in London ]

Brian Williams V/O: What a day this has been...

[ Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio De Janeiro crumbles ]

[ cut back to Brian Williams on TV ]

Brian Williams: The nation has a new president...

[ birds fly into the sky ]

[ cut to a night group prayer vigil in the Vatican ]

[ cut to Sarah Palin, with SUPER: "BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT-ELECT SARAH PALIN" ]

Voice: SARAH PALIN!!

Sarah Palin: Thank you so much!

[ the United States Capitol Rotunda falls onto the crowd below ]

[ explosions! ]

[ tidal waves! ]

[ destruction! ]

[ mayhem! ]

[ oh, my! ]

Monk: [ in subtitles ] But she's unqualified...

THE DNC PRESENTS

FROM THE MIND OF KEITH OLBERMANN

Hillary Clinton: People are scared...

A POLITICAL DISASTER

OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

Sarah Palin: I don't know what I'm gonna be doing in 2012...

[ a city collapses into the sea ]

[ cut to Sarah Palin on TV ]

Sarah Palin: As for my running-mate...

[ intercuts of people turning to look with worry ]

Sarah Palin: It was an honor to stand beside a true American hero.

[ cut to Glenn Beck crying, with SUPER: "Vice President Glenn Beck" ]

Glenn Beck: [ sniffing ] I'm sorry... I'm just a guy who cares an awful lot about my country.

[ cut to man fleeing in his car ]

Man: Holy sh--

[ roads explode ]

Sarah Palin: Thanks, but no thanks, on that Bridge to Nowhere...

[ a fireball strikes an Obama campaign van ]

ON ELECTION DAY 2012

PLANET EARTH

[ the Washington Monument cracks in half ]

IS GOING ROGUE

[ a tidal wave strikes the White House and crushes it to bits ]

"PALIN 2012"

[ fade ]


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