09h: Blake Lively / Rihanna
Blake Lively's Monologue
Swedish Chef.....Andy Samberg
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Blake Lively!
Blake Lively: Thank you so much! Thank you very much! It's great to be
here hosting "Saturday Night Live". I love New York this time of year;
there's nothing like Christmas in the city. Today is the first day is
snowed -- so that's why I wore my winter clothes.
[ Blake showcases her sexy short, strapless red satin dress to the
audience, who in turn, take a hearty laugh. ]
Blake Lively: It's so exciting being here this week at 30 Rockefeller
Center because they just had the Annual Tree Lighting. You can see it
right out the window! In fact, let's take a look at the tree right now...
[ CUT TO: LIVE ROOFTOP FEED ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE OUTSIDE 30 ROCK ]
Blake Lively: It's beautiful! After the tree lighting ceremony, we went to
a party. Aretha Franklin was there, Mayor Bloomberg? and I met the Muppets!
[ A couple members of the audience cheer. ]
Blake Lively: Oh yeah! Do they know how to party! The next day, Fozzie and
Gonzo sent me a series of inappropriate text messages. Word of advice --
if you?re at a club at four in the morning, don?t give your number to a Muppet.
[ The Swedish Chef slides onto Home Base. ]
Swedish Chef: Bork, bork!"
Blake Lively: Oh? great! Hey, Swedish Chef!
[ Swedish Chef mutters gibberish. ]
Blake Lively: Yes, I got your text.
[ Swedish Chef mutters more gibberish. ]
Blake Lively: Yeah, I got the photo too. It took me a while to figure out
what the photo was.
[ Swedish Chef laughs. Blake gives an uncomfortable laugh afterwards and
starts pushing him away. ]
Blake Lively: Yeah, it was great to see you again, but I really have to
get going with the show now.
[ Swedish Chef stops Blake for a moment and delivers more gibberish. She sighs. ]
Blake Lively: Okay -- you can tell one joke.
[ Swedish Chef delivers his gibberish. Blake rolls her eyes. ]
Blake Lively: Who?s there?
[ Swedish Chef garbles the same words. ]
Blake Lively: Smorgi Borg Who?
[ Swedish Chef utters a play on the words he's been saying all along. ]
Blake Lively: That's filthy!
[ Swedish Chef signals to the Blake?s stage right. ]
Fozzie: Wocka Wocka!
[ Fozzie, Beaker, Gonzo, and Animal come onto Home Base. ]
Gonzo: Why don't we kick off the holiday season with a holiday song?
Blake Lively: I don't know if we have time, guys.
[ Swedish Chef starts warbling to "White Christmas" in his dialect. ]
Blake Lively: No. Stop -- please.
Fozzie: She's right! We can?t get the rights to that!
[ Beaker starts "meeping" out of nervousness. Animal starts screaming for
the sake of it. ]
Blake Lively: Can you just pick a song and so we can get on with the show?
Gonzo: I get it! You don't want us up here!
Fozzie: You may be pretty in person on the outside, but in the end, we're
all just the same on the inside -- we all have a giant hand shoved up our
keister to make us talk and move around!
Blake Lively: You're the only ones who have that.
[ The Muppets faces turn from confidence to sad reality. ]
[ Fozzie takes a beat to ponder and hangs his head. ]
Gonzo: Come on guys! She doesn?t like us.
[ The Muppets make their way off Home Base. Blake drops her shoulders and sighs. ]
Blake Lively: No guys -- wait. I'm sorry.
[ The Muppets stop and start to turn back to Home Base. ]
Blake Lively: In fact, I know one we can sing.
Gonzo: Really!? You mean it!?
Blake Lively: Yeah? why not? Swedish Chef?
[ Swedish Chef delivers his signature gibberish and looks up. Snow starts to fall. ]
Blake Lively: You got me snow!
[ Swedish Chef gibbers some more. Zoot and Janice appear next to him and
being playing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". ]
"Hark the Herald Angels Sing"
[ Animal screams the GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KING lyric in screams. ]
"Peace on Earth and mercy mild"
[ Swedish Chef gibbers the GOD AND SINNERS RECONCILED lyric. ]
"Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
Christ is born in Bethlehem"
[ Beaker "meeps" the last two sentences. Swedish Chef leads everyone to
sing GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KING in his gibberish. ]
Blake Lively: We have a great show! Rihanna is here!
[ Animal creeps up behind Blake and screams. She's startled. ]
Blake Lively: So stick around! We?ll be right back!
Submitted by: Cody Downs