Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 8
An SNL Digital Short
…..Rihanna
Shy Ronnie…..Andy Samberg
Rihanna: Eh! Oh! Woah Oh!
[Camera cuts to Rihanna looking sexy and Shy Ronnie. Knowledge is writen on the blackboard in large letters.]Rihanna: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
[Camera cuts to Rihanna rotating on a pedistal. Rihannas name is written in cursive at the bottom of the screen]Rihanna: Rihanna and Shy Ronnie
Rihanna: Wer like fire an ice. Taking over the whole world.
Background Vocals: Whole world.
[Camera cuts to Shy Ronnie drawing a circle with both hands to represent the world while looking at Rihanna.] [Cuts back to Rihanna and Shy Ronnie in the front of the class room]Rihanna: From the mountain tops, down to the boys and girls.
[Shy Ronnie points to the kids in the class room at there desk.] [Camera cuts to the kids in the class room. One child at the back of the class is sitting on a stool with a Dunce cap on]Rihanna: And the tree of knowledge it grows cause we plan the seed.
[Camera cuts to a Mexican child who nods in agreeance.]Rihanna: We the teachers of this and we got just what you need. Shy Ronnie
[Rihanna points to Shy Ronnie for his queue to sing] [Shy Ronnie mumbles in a very low tone]Rihanna: Speak up.
Rihanna: [impatiently] Shy Ronnie. Speak Up!
[Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone] [Rihanna tries to stop Shy Ronnie from singing]Rihanna: OK Ill take it from here-
Shy Ronnie: AHA!
Rihanna: OK
Rihanna: We like fire and ice taking over the whole world.
[Shy Ronnie signals the children to wave there hands in the air.] [Camera cuts to the kids in the class room waving there hands unwillingly in the air and in disgust of Shy Ronnie]Rihanna: From the mountain tops, down to the boys and girls.
Rihanna: Hit em Shy Ronnie!
[Shy Ronnie is excited that its his turn to sing again hoping to redeem himself from last time] [Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone]Rihanna: [in disbelief] No!
[Shy Ronnie creates a feedback into the mic].Rihanna: Move the mic away from your face.
[Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone.]Rihanna: C’mon, this beat cost a lot of money.
Rihanna: Oh, no. Oh, no. He pissed himself. He pissed himself!
[Camera cuts to full view of Rihanna and Shy Ronnie. Shy Ronnie urinated in his pants.] [Camera cuts to one of the school kids pointing and laughing at Shy Ronnie.]Shy Ronnie: AHA!
Rihanna: Oh Boy!
[Camera cuts to one of the school kids pointing and laughing at Shy Ronnie.] [Camera cuts back to Rihanna]Rihanna: Shoulda just paid Kanye. Bye Shy Ronnie. Bye-Bye
[Rihanna leaves the class room. Hip Hop beat stops]Shy Ronnie: AHA!
Shy Ronnie: Names Shy Ronnie and I running this ish!! You know i say stay strappin’ cause life is a Bitch!
[Rihanna comes back into the room] [Ronnie starts to mumble again in a low tone]Rihanna: Hey! I forgot my purse.. Bye, bye again.
[Rihanna walks out of the class room with her purse] [Hip Hop beat stops playing]Shy Ronnie: And I don’t need no beat, I keep a-rockin’ a’cappella, and you should hang with me, because my name is Shy Ronnie.
[Fade]Submitted by: Jubei “Guy” Kibagami