Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 8














09h: Blake Lively / Rihanna

Kickspit Underground Rock Festival

DJ Supersoak.....Jason Sudeikis
Lil' Blaster.....Nasim Pedrad

[ open on fiery graphics ]

Announcer: Under-Underground Records brings you its 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!

[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil' Blaster ]

DJ Supersoak: What up. y'all? I'm DJ Supersoak!

Lil' Blaster: And I'm Lil' Blaster! And we're bringing you amazing happenings for the super dope --

DJ Supersoak: 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!

Announcer: You want bands? Your! Ears! Will! Bleed!

We've got... RAT BALLS! SLIT! THURDERSEX! DJ DEUCE GROAN! MRS. POTATO DICK! And more!

[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil' Blaster ]

DJ Supersoak: It's the most underground festival EVER! NO water bottles! NO protection from the sun! And absolutely NO Port-a-Johns!

Lil' Blaster: We didn't sell out and get you a bunch a' Port-a-johns, yo!

Announcer: You want bathrooms? Oh, we've got bathrooms! They're called... YOUR PANTS!!

DJ Supersoak: Ha ha! Is that underground enough for ya'?!

Lil' Blaster: Ohhhh, yeahhhhh!! And don't forget the Mud-Eating Contest!

DJ Supersoak: Try to dethrone LAST year's mud-eating champ -- Ass Dan! [ show image ]

Lil' Blaster: Everywhere you look... MAD CRUNKS gonna be poppin' off!

DJ Supersoak: We got LOOSE ALLIGATORS up in there!

Lil' Blaster: Chomp on some STICK MEAT!

DJ Supersoak: Come have SEX with the IRON SHEIK!

Lil' Blaster: And did we mention... baaaands?!

Announcer: There's gonna be DONKEY CRUST! GUNT! And don't miss a very special encore performance... by MRS. POTATO DICK!

Lil' Blaster: They're like BOYS, always sprayin' the crowd with cat piss!

DJ Supersoak: Ha ha! Hell, yeah! So many fun events, and you KNOW you gotta get in the WORST HE-MAN IMPRESSION CONTEST!

Lil' Blaster: Just look out for LAST year's champ -- Ass Dan!

DJ Supersoak: For sure! And, if THAT wasn't enough for you ninjas, we got a MAD LIST of special guests, yo!

Lil' Blaster: Like MARK FUHRMAN, from the O.J. trial!

DJ Supersoak: The Mac guy, JUSTIN LONG!

Lil' Blaster: THE SNAPPLE LADY!

DJ Supersoak: TURTLE FROM ENTOURAGE!

Lil' Blaster: MS. SCREW MAGAZINE 1997!

DJ Supersoak: And NBA All-Star DIRK NOWITZKI, shootin' a BB GUN at you in an OPEN FIELD!

Lil' Blaster: You wanna get sick as hell?!

DJ Supersoak: A HELICOPTER is gonna spray your ass with VIRUSES, yo!

[ show helicopter dropping viruses ]

Announcer: VIRUSES!!

Lil' Blaster: And, there's MORE! Like a full screening of FACTS OF LIFE SEASON 3!

DJ Supersoak: Plus! We got a bunch of ventriloquists walking around on STILTS!

Lil' Blaster: And their dummies got TINY STILTS, yo!

DJ Supersoak: And you KNOW we got MIMES, runnin' all over this BITCH!!

Lil' Blaster: And here's the best part!

Announcer: EVERYBODY GETS PITCHFORKS!!

DJ Supersoak: EVERYBODY'S gonna be running around MAD CRAZY with PITCHFORKS, yo!

Lil' Blaster: Literally, EVERYONE is given a PITCHFORK!

DJ Supersoak: Plus! Don't miss a very special memorial service for Ass Dan.

[ image: Ass Dan, 1981-2009 ]

DJ Supersoak: I'm bringing the mud, y'all.

Lil' Blaster: So get your tickets NOW, ninjas! For the 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!

DJ Supersoak: And get ready to be truly...

Together: UNDERGROUND!!

Announcer: The kickspit Underground Rock Festival! See you ninjas there!!

[ fade ]


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