Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 9








09i: Taylor Lautner / Bon Jovi

PGA Tour I

Tim Finchem......Jason Sudeikis
Executive.....Bobby Moynihan

[ open on PGA Tour logo ]

Announcer: And now, a message from the PGA Tour.

[ dissolve to Tim Finchem seated at booth ]

Tim Finchem: Hi there. I'm Tim Finchem, Commissioner of the PGA Tour. Yesterday, we got some interesting news: Tiger woods announced that he was taking an "indefinite break" from golf. Indefinite. [ he laughs nervously ] And that's okay. You know, we're going to be fine. People don't just watch golf because of him. I mean, we've still got plenty of other superstars. You know? Exciting household names like Geoff Ogilvy. Boo-yah! [ he laughs ] Trevor Immelman. Can you handle the Immelman? Whoo! [ he laughs ] And, look out! Uh-oh! Tim "Lumpy" Hearn's in the house. Watch out for Lumpy!

[ he chuckles nervously, then reaches down for a flask and pours the alcohol down his throat ]

Tim Finchem: Watch out for Lumpy...

[ he laughs nervously, then returns the flask ]

Tim Finchem: Hey! And if you love tiger's famous fist pump, well, then, you know what? You're just going to love Justin Leonard's tip of the cap! [ mimicking ] Good day to you, sir! So, yeah, you know, I-I-I think the PGA Tour will be just fine without Tiger Woods. And you know what? The sponsors? Well, they are excited, too.

[ behind him, an executive removes the sponsor cards from the wall ]

Tim Finchem: The PGA tour. No Tiger, no problem!

[ return to PGA Tour logo ]

Announcer: This has been a message from the PGA Tour.

[ fade ]


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